I enjoyed reading your statement. Thank you.
Are you a native English speaker? Well, I’m not, but I understood your points and attitude. It’s a nice personal account.
However, if by “criticize as much as possible” you mean you want someone to evaluate your text from a professional perspective, only a native teacher or a person familiar with the rules of writing such works ( like semiautobiographical works) can guide you.
For example, the person may want to know how you are emotionally related to mathematics and physics. You know what a perplexing task it might be. Or you may be asked to arrange the events in coherently meaningful time sequences, describing all the influential circumstances that led you to develop your current view on life.
Anyhow, here are some points that may be helpful.
This led me into my fascination
I think you mean the fact that “mathematics underlies all processes and patterns around us, and turns up everywhere you look in the world and nothing can work without it led you into your fascination of how the universe works”.
That makes sense. You could also say more figuratively:
“This kindled my interest, filling me with an overwhelming sense of curiosity”.
Well, process is frequently used in English and one can safely assert that the term is exploited almost in every science from computer programming to psychology.
In general, it describes a set of actions that, considering the wide range of its usage, can be causal, directional, temporal; kinetic, chemical, electrical; emotional, perceptional, etc.
As a result, it would be right to apply the word to matters concerning communication and electricity.
But the point here is that you call such processes “simple”, while they don’t seem to be.
Analysis, criticism, and looking at theories from every possible angle help us arrive at conclusions, but they are not conclusions in themselves, because conclusion, being a Latin word, suggests the act of closing something completely. If you’re ambivalent about using it, you can simply replace it by “findings”.
I’m not sure about this one, but apparently the clause suffers from redundancy. Even if it’s used by natives, only an English grammarian can tell us about its appropriateness.
I know that whilst is usually used in British English, but it would unnecessarily make sentences sound formal, hurting the simplicity and tone of the text.
Student or Learner