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  1. Unregistered


    Could someone please correct my essay. Be cruel with it, I need to submit it in a couple weeks for college application:

    The most significant experience in my life is the Exchange Program I took part in. I spent a semester in an American high school and lived near Sacramento, California, with a host family.
    Studying in the United States had been my dream since I had entered high school: one day I noticed a poster on my school bulletin board which said, 'Do you want to be a citizen of the world?' and I decided that was going to be my goal for the following three years. Convincing my parents and teachers to let me leave was not easy because of economical and academic worries. However, on the 30th of July 2008 I managed to be on the plane departing for Sacramento, California.
    Once I arrived there, I realized the situation and environment I found myself in was nothing like what I was expecting. I went through what is called 'culture shock'. Everything was so different to me, from the little village where I lived to the everyday routine of my host family, from the food to the school teachers and to
    my classmates...Getting used to 'The New World' took me a while and was difficult at times. I realized that if I wanted to become part of that community the first step to make was to have a positive attitude: smiling can, in fact, help you feel better and makes other people more interested in speaking to you. The effort I
    made was surely rewarded. Without even realizing it, I went from sitting at a lunch table alone and
    missing home to having friends and enjoying my new family. Not only I had a great time while I was there(coming to know wonderful people with whom I am still in touch with), but I also learned many important life lessons. First of all, I came closer to God thanks to my host family. In fact, I had stepped away from my Catholic faith during the previous years. Second of all, I was able to understand a culture from the inside: it wasn't like watching a traveling documentary on Documentary Chanel, it was
    like being submerged in another world and coming to know it better everyday.
    The most important fruit I received from this six month experience is the better understanding I now have of myself. During my everyday life, my usual friends and my family are always there to protect me and I know that I can rely on them. For the first time of my life I found myself fighting alone against any obstacle and trouble I encountered. That taught me to never give up and to believe more in myself. For example, I used to be quite a shy person but this experience changed me and gave me the chance to realize that I will always find some friends, no matter where in the world I am. I also realized some aspects of my character I didn't know before. For example, I discovered I am strong, sweet, determined, nostalgic, friendly...

  2. Soup's Avatar
    VIP Member
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Sep 2007
    • Posts: 5,882

    Re: Ms.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Could someone please correct my essay. Be cruel with it, I need to submit it in a couple weeks for college application:
    The problem with our helping you is that our corrections will be what the college admission's office will be evaluating. There's a rationale behind your doing the work on your own: your essay reflects your ability. The college wants to help you become a better writer. Let them; submit your own work.


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