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      • Native Language:
      • Italian
      • Home Country:
      • Italy
      • Current Location:
      • Italy

    • Join Date: Nov 2009
    • Posts: 29
    #1

    doubtful about 2 sentences, pls help

    Could you pls check these 2 sentences for me and tell me if they are possibly right:

    1.Although films could be considered as very effective tools through which educational messages can easily be spread around, it should never be forgotten movies are mainly pieces of art as conceived by modernity.

    2.An uncultivated child could certainly learn something historically wrong from watching it, however, nobody could ever decide to either censor or withdraw such brilliant movie from cinemas or retailers, unless s/he is completely out of their mind.

  1. #2

    Re: doubtful about 2 sentences, pls help

    1.Although films could be considered as very effective tools through which educational messages can easily be spread around, it should never be forgotten ... movies are mainly pieces of art as conceived by modernity.

    "spread around" is a bit informal (phrasal verbs usually are). Consider doesn't collocate with as. Consider + noun + adj.
    ... is a missing word. Final underlined words - I'd lose the as.

    2.An uncultivated child could certainly learn something historically wrong from watching it, however, nobody could ever decide to either censor or withdraw such ... brilliant movie from cinemas or retailers, unless s/he is completely out of their mind.

    I'm being picky... I believe that you said these were from essays. If so, the sentences are OK, but they are a little loaded. "Uncultivated", "out of their mind" and "brilliant" are not often used in essay writing because they're loaded - what makes someone uncultivated? Or out of their mind (which is a very casual phrase anyway)? Or a movie brilliant? You should avoid such subjective/vague words when they're unecessary, unless I've misunderstood the piece that you're writing. "Historically wrong" is also unusual - in what way is it wrong? From the standard of your sentences, I'm sure you can find a better word!

    "nobody could ever" would not be used when followed by "unless"... I think you mean "would".

    You should use a semicolon (;) to connect two closely related clauses that could be 2 sentences. However and therefore should always have one or a full stop.

    ... is a missing word.
    Last edited by Bobbybobbob; 14-Nov-2009 at 21:46. Reason: Tired typing!

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