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  1. Unregistered
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    #1

    Furnature

    Could someone please check my grammar and puntuation ??




    On December 17th I wrote the manager of the furniture department Andrew Lerner, regarding a wall unit I had purchased during a recent sale celebrating the stores 75th anniversary. The price was six hundred (600.00) dollars. The unit arrived in damaged condition and I am still awaiting advice from Mr.Lerner regarding how he proposes to handle the matter.
    As I indicated in my letter to Mr.Lerner there are three major defects in the unit: The left cabinet door doesn’t close, the edge of the bottom shelf is rough and unfinished and the edge of the top shelf has nicks in it. There are a number of minor defects besides the major ones and the overall effect is a unit that already looks like a much used poorly made piece of furniture. This is not the first time I have purchased furniture from Muise Brothers; however, it is the first time I have been so displeased. It is difficult to hide the fact that I am angry. If a manufacturer is lax about inspecting furniture before it leaves the factory, Muise Brothers should inspect it before delivery is made to the customer. Mr.Lerner is taking all together too much time to reply to my first letter which was sent the same day the unit was received. Therefore, I would appreciate you taking care of this matter and advising me how it is to be settled.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Oct 2008
    • Posts: 1,211
    #2

    Re: Furnature

    I don't read essays, but I'll give the first two sentences a run:

    On December 17th [the th is unnecessary with dates, but not entirely wrong; it's more of a poor style thing than error] I wrote the manager of the furniture department Andrew Lerner, [you need to set the name off in MATCHING commas. Pretend they are parenthesis; you couldn't use just one. So, you need a comma after the word department also.] regarding a wall unit I had purchased during a recent sale celebrating the stores [missing apostrophe here. Either it is (one) store's party, or (multiple) stores' party.] 75th anniversary. The price was six hundred (600.00) dollars. [Another affectation, repeating numbers as letters and numerals. This is not a legal document. Just say $600.00.] The unit arrived in damaged condition and I am still awaiting advice [advice? What advice could Mr. Lerner offer? I think the word you are looking for is information or a response, certainly not advice] from Mr.Lerner [missing space between Mr. and Lerner] regarding how he proposes to handle the matter.

    I'm done. Now you see why my own kids won't even write a grocery list for me!

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