Hello all, I am helping a friend edit their Motivational Letter for entry into a Germany University. Any feedback or idea to improve would be greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Masterís degree in_________ at __________ University. This is part of the English study program through the __________department. I have applied through the DAAD (German Academic Exchange Service) for a Study Scholarship in the winter semester of 2011.

I received a Bachelorís degree in Architecture and Urban Planning from Kriviy Rig Technical University in 2008. Currently I am studying for a post degree in International Business Administration, to be finished in 2011. When this is completed I hope to immediately begin the __________Masters program.

To study in the ________University would help me because I plan on opening an architecture company in Ukraine. This is the reason why I am currently studying for a post degree in International Business Administration. However, my company will need the cumulative knowledge, skills and experience I will learn through the Masterís degree in _________ at __________ University. Also, I plan on cooperating with European architectural companies, but this will be difficult without the cross cultural understanding and technical knowledge which I will gain from my Masters program.

The reason I want to pursue this program is because historically the USSR severely limited architectural expression in my native country of Ukraine. In 1955 the USSR implemented the ďFight against Architectural ExcessivenessĒ policy. Because of this all architectural designs were drab and uniform, such as the typical panel house.

This still has an influence within the Ukrainian education system and will cause an Architecture graduate to run into certain problems at work. For example, architectural knowledge gained through academic studies focus on literature written during the USSR period, which uses outdated technology and information. Because of this in the Ukraine one can rarely see modern buildings. Also, too few Ukrainians consider architecture an expression of art. Therefore I am pursing my career in architecture because I not only want to raise the quality of local building designs but also beautify my country.

I look forward to joining the ________Masters Program in _______ University in order to acquire technical training, develop my professional abilities, gain new skills and raise my cross cultural awareness. I will be patiently waiting for your reply.