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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #1

    Kindly check the sentence - its for jewellery

    The charming rays of shooting stars jewellery will radiate your persona, which others can only wish for but you possess it.

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    #2

    Exclamation Re: Kindly check the sentence - its for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    The charming rays of shooting stars jewellery will radiate your persona, which others can only wish for but you possess it.
    I rewrite as follows:
    The charming rays of shooting stars jewellery will make you radiate an air of confidence/joyous look/cheerfulness/dazzling beauty, which others can only envy to your delight to be its proud possessor/owner.

    If your target audience is only ladies; you can say:

    The charming rays of shooting stars jewellery will make you radiate joyous look/dazzling beauty, which others can only envy to your delight to be its proud owner.


  2. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Kindly check the sentence - its for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by sarat_106 View Post
    I rewrite as follows:
    The charming rays of shooting stars jewellery will make you radiate an air of confidence/joyous look/cheerfulness/dazzling beauty, which others can only envy to your delight to be its proud possessor/owner.

    If your target audience is only ladies; you can say:

    The charming rays of shooting stars jewellery will make you radiate joyous look/dazzling beauty, which others can only envy to your delight to be its proud owner.
    How about

    The glow of sparkle and elegance.

    A grace of shining and sparkling exclusivity that defines you & reflects the glow in your soul

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    #4

    Exclamation Re: Kindly check the sentence - its for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    How about

    The glow of sparkle and elegance.

    A grace of shining and sparkling exclusivity that defines you & reflects the glow in your soul
    If you want to use the first phrase in place of " The charming rays ", it could sound better; as:
    The glow of sparcle and elegance of shooting stars jewellery will make you radiate joyous look/dazzling beauty, which others can only envy to your delight to be its proud owner.

    I am not sure where do you want to put the second one which is stucturally incorrect.

  3. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Kindly check the sentence - its for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by sarat_106 View Post
    If you want to use the first phrase in place of " The charming rays ", it could sound better; as:
    The glow of sparcle and elegance of shooting stars jewellery will make you radiate joyous look/dazzling beauty, which others can only envy to your delight to be its proud owner.

    I am not sure where do you want to put the second one which is stucturally incorrect.

    I just wrote the second phrase, what changes can w do to make its structure correct

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