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    #1

    Help with a Sentence

    I feel there's something wrong in my sentence below but I can't quite put finger on it. Can someone help me please?

    When people cannot access cheap preventive care, the disease progresses, becomes more expensive to treat and raises the chance of dying from an advanced form of the disease.

  1. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Help with a Sentence

    I have a problem with the logic. Preventive care prevents. A disease can only progress if it already exists. So to say that if you have good preventive care, the disease won't progress doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps instead of preventive, you want to say early intervention?

    Grammatically the problem is the use of "the disease" as the subject in the latter part: the disease progresses, becomes more expensive to treat and raises the chance of dying from an advanced form of the disease

    OK: the disease progresses
    OK: the disease becomes more expensive to treat
    Not OK: the disease raises the chance of dying from an advanced form of the disease
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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