(Not a teacher)Hi~~ I wrote an essay for preparing my TOEFL test. It is a little difficult to me~The topic is "do u support or opposite the plan that building a new restaurant in the neighborhood". I will appreciate a lot if someone could help me check my essay. Thank you so much~~
Here is my essay(447words a little long):
,for the developments of the community, such as buiding a new restaurant, frequently become a controversial issue due to each oftheir tremendous effects on our neighborhood. Although it may be hard to deny that a new restaurant will bring noise to our community and more or less disturb the quiet life in the neighborhood, a new restaurant can also benefit our community in a variety of ways. It can improve the way people live by offering more conveniences; it can contribute to the economic growth and development of the whole community by offering more job opportunities and promoting revenues of the local government; it can also help build healthier community spirit by providing a nice place for people to communicate.
Up till now, we do not have a restaurant in our community. The
mostnearest restaurant nerebyis a thirty-minute swalk away. It is very inconvenient for us to go for dinner. Nowadays, most people live a busy life. After a day’s work, it would be so tiring for people to shop for groceries, prepare dinners and clean up after a meal. If we have a restaurant right here in our community, more people will be saved from tedious household work as they can eat out two or three times a week, which will help them both get a real rest and enjoy their leisure time with their families.
A new restaurant will absolutely provide more job opportunities--chefs, waiters, accountants, managers, as well as electricians, plumbers, carpenters that will be needed to build the new restaurant. Undoubtedly, such positions will be drawn from local people in our community. In today’s increasingly competitive job market, a new restaurant will greatly help solve employment problems in our neighborhood by providing full- or part-time jobs for almost thirty families. Moreover, the local government’s revenues will increase since the new restaurant will pay a large amount of taxes each year to the government. With more revenues, the government will build more public facilities to serve people in our community, which will/may/could directly improve the quality of people’s lives.
Finally, a restaurant can offer a nice place for people to gather and talk in. Although there are several street-side food stands in our community, there is still no place for people to sit and talk in. A new restaurant will provide a public space for people to meet friends. In the restaurant, old friendships will be strengthened while new friendships will be forged. When one knows his or her neighbors well, one can easily ask for favors or opinions on community issues, thus a sense of community can be fostered, which will be of great benefit to the whole neighborhood.
That is all I can see. 'Revenues' might be singular, I don't know enough about tax to know when it should be 'revenue' and when it should be 'revenues'.
Student or Learner