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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #1

    Kindly check two sentences for jewellery

    1. As we directly hand pick the high quality diamonds from manufacturer, which eliminates middleman’s costs and thereby guarantying the best prices, and high-end finishes.

    2. There’s no woman in the world who won’t gasp looking at a scintillating, fabulicious piece of jewelry. And that’s our thing: to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of pulse, that dilation of the pupils.


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    #2

    Re: Kindly check two sentences for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    1. As We directly hand-pick the high quality diamonds from manufacturer, which eliminates middleman’s costs and thereby guarantees the best prices, and high-end finishes.

    2. There’s no woman in the world who won’t gasp looking at a scintillating, fabulicious piece of jewelry. And that’s our thing: to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of the pulse, that dilation of the pupils.
    (Not at teacher)

    If you want the 'the' included in the first underlined section, make it, "We directly hand-pick the highest quality diamonds..."

    I marked 'fabulicious' as a stylistic thing - it seems too informal in an advertisement for a jewellers advertising their high quality.

    Finally - 'And that’s our thing: to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of pulse, that dilation of the pupils.' - I would change the 'thing' to 'aim/goal'; again a stylistic thing about formality. Also, I would change the commas in 'to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of pulse, that dilation of the pupils' to semicolons, thus:

    'An that's our aim: to induce that intake of breath; that quickening of the pulse; that dilation of the pupils.'

  2. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Kindly check two sentences for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by Linguist__ View Post
    (Not at teacher)

    If you want the 'the' included in the first underlined section, make it, "We directly hand-pick the highest quality diamonds..."

    I marked 'fabulicious' as a stylistic thing - it seems too informal in an advertisement for a jewellers advertising their high quality.

    Finally - 'And that’s our thing: to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of pulse, that dilation of the pupils.' - I would change the 'thing' to 'aim/goal'; again a stylistic thing about formality. Also, I would change the commas in 'to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of pulse, that dilation of the pupils' to semicolons, thus:

    'An that's our aim: to induce that intake of breath; that quickening of the pulse; that dilation of the pupils.'
    That's really kind of you to give me indept explaination and make me correct. Kindly tell me whenever we use word 'high' we sahould not use the article...article should be only used if we are using highest...correct, isn't it?

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    #4

    Exclamation Re: Kindly check two sentences for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    1.
    As we directly hand pick high quality diamonds from the manufacturer (thereby) eliminating middleman’s costs, (and thereby) you get the best prices and guaranteed high-end finishes.

    There’s no woman in the world who won’t gasp looking at a (fabulicious) fabulous piece of jewelry scintillating like a star. And that’s a D C Jewelry (our thing): to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of the pulse, that dilation of the pupils.
    I don’t think there is a dictionary word fabulicious, it could be fabulous. In the first sentence ‘there by’ in the new position can be optional. You use ‘the’ only with superlative form, i.e. best, highest, finest. You want to use the word ‘gasp’ in a positive way, fine. But a short intake of breath can be due to shock or surprise. At his last moments while gasping (the point of death) he confessed to the murder. Besides ‘scintillating’ does not match with jewelry. So you can modify the second sentence, as:
    Probably there’s no woman in the world whose eyes won’t brighten upon looking at the splendor and dazzling beauty of a fabulicious piece of jewelry. Undoubtedly it is a D C Jewelry that gives a gasp of surprise: to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of pulse, that dilation of the pupils.
    .

  3. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Kindly check two sentences for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by sarat_106 View Post
    I don’t think there is a dictionary word fabulicious, it could be fabulous. In the first sentence ‘there by’ in the new position can be optional. You use ‘the’ only with superlative form, i.e. best, highest, finest. You want to use the word ‘gasp’ in a positive way, fine. But a short intake of breath can be due to shock or surprise. At his last moments while gasping (the point of death) he confessed to the murder. Besides ‘scintillating’ does not match with jewelry. So you can modify the second sentence, as:
    Probably there’s no woman in the world whose eyes won’t brighten upon looking at the splendor and dazzling beauty of a fabulicious piece of jewelry. Undoubtedly it is a D C Jewelry that gives a gasp of surprise: to induce that intake of breath, that quickening of pulse, that dilation of the pupils.
    .
    If I use the following sentence:

    As We directly hand-pick the high quality diamonds from manufacturer, which eliminates middleman’s costs and thereby guarantees the best prices, and high-end finishes.

    I suppose it should be 'eliminate rather than eliminates' and same with 'guarantee rather than guarantees'

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    #6

    Exclamation Re: Kindly check two sentences for jewellery

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    If I use the following sentence:

    As We directly hand-pick the high quality diamonds from manufacturer, which eliminates middleman’s costs and thereby guarantees the best prices, and high-end finishes.

    I suppose it should be 'eliminate rather than eliminates' and same with 'guarantee rather than guarantees'
    No, the word ‘which’ acts as a relative pronoun and referent to the previous clause for adding more information to it. It is singular and needs a singular verb(s). Look at a similar sentence below;
    He showed me round the town, which was very kind of him.

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