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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #1

    please help me improve my content if required

    1. When you step into DC Jeweler’s we guarantee you absolutely best prices. If you get us a genuine quote from any of our competitors (for similar products), we promise we will one up them. So go have a look around all you want, because we know you will eventually come to us.

    2.
    Our journey like the journey of a butterfly was full of hardships and struggle. But when the day arrives for the butterfly to finally spread its luminous wings and take to the sky, it all seems worth it. It all seems wondrous. Our metamorphosis has been similar.
    Born in 1937 in Karachi in the pre-partisan India, Mr. Dwarkadas Chandumal Tulsiani had the audacity and belief to venture into the family business of custom-made jewelry, following the footsteps of his father.
    Post partition, the family made yet another life-altering decision – to move to Mumbai. It was a step back, in the sense that we had to start over, but in a way, it was a step forward. We were in Mumbai, the city of dreams. Being an ingenious entrepreneur and an extremely industrious man, he quickly garnered a loyal customer base.
    Last edited by new2grammar; 03-Jan-2010 at 09:39.


    • Join Date: Dec 2009
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    #2

    Re: please help me improve my content if required

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    1. When you step into DC Jewelers we guarantee you the absolute best prices. If you give/bring us a genuine quote from any of our competitors (for similar products), we promise we will one up them. So go have a look around all you want, because we know you will eventually come to us.

    2.
    Our journey, like the journey of a butterfly, was full of hardships and struggle. But when the day arrives for the butterfly to finally spread its luminous wings and take to the sky, it all seems worth it. It all seems wondrous. Our metamorphosis has been similar.
    Born in 1937 in Karachi in the pre-partisan India, Mr. Dwarkadas Chandumal Tulsiani had the audacity and belief to venture into the family business of custom-made jewelry, following the footsteps of his father.
    Post partition, the family made yet another life-altering decision – to move to Mumbai. It was a step back, in the sense that we had to start over, but in a way, it was a step forward. We were in Mumbai, the city of dreams. Being an ingenious entrepreneur and an extremely industrious man, he quickly garnered a loyal customer base.
    (Not a teacher)

    I put 'we will one up them' in italics because the phrase sounds wrong, or at least awkward, but I don't know the idiom enough to correct it.

    Also, note the commas in '
    Our journey, like the journey of a butterfly, was full of hardships and struggle' - they are hard to notice in the correction.

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