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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #1

    Is pronoun used is correct?

    As we promised you that we would give you special privileges as you are entitled for those because you are PURE card holder

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    I can't really figure out this sentence.

    You are entitled to special privileges as a PURE card holder.

    Do you need to say anything else?
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  3. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    I can't really figure out this sentence.

    You are entitled to special privileges as a PURE card holder.

    Do you need to say anything else?
    Ya you are write..What about the following sentence

    As we promised you that we would give you special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder

  4. euncu's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    As we promised you that we would give you special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder
    The card holders will drown in "you"s.

  5. new2grammar's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by euncu View Post
    The card holders will drown in "you"s.
    Thats right observation
    what about the following:

    As we promised we would give youspecial privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder
    or
    As we promisedwe would give special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder

  6. euncu's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    As we promised;
    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    You are entitled to special privileges as a PURE card holder.
    You should really get rid of that "we would give you"

  7. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    Thats right observation
    what about the following:

    As we promised we would give youspecial privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder
    or
    As we promisedwe would give special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder
    What about:
    "As we promised, we will give you the special priviledges to which you are entitled as a PURE card holder".

  8. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    I don't disagree with Bhai's sentence at all - it's perfect. But really ask yourself: What do I gain my making my sentence so much more complex? What extra information is given by including all those extra words? I've made my reader work a lot harder to read that sentence, and what does he or she gain as a result?

    Omit needless words.

    Isn't that better than "Omit the needless words that are not necessary to the conveyance of your meaning"?
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  9. kfredson's Avatar

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    #9

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    As we promised you that we would give you special privileges as you are entitled for those because you are PURE card holder
    I suggest you change "for those" to "to them." "Entitled" is normally followed by "to" and an accusative -- in this case, "them."

    Having said that, the clearest way to say this is the formulation given by bhaisahab (as usual!)

  10. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Is pronoun used is correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    I don't disagree with Bhai's sentence at all - it's perfect. But really ask yourself: What do I gain my making my sentence so much more complex? What extra information is given by including all those extra words? I've made my reader work a lot harder to read that sentence, and what does he or she gain as a result?

    Omit needless words.

    Isn't that better than "Omit the needless words that are not necessary to the conveyance of your meaning"?
    The thing is Barb that the middle class Indian public, the people at whom this copy is aimed, love flowery complicated language. They expect to see it.

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