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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Sep 2009
    • Posts: 36
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    #1

    The text for advertising

    Could you please check the following text for grammar and the choice of vocabulary
    Thank you
    I give (present) a big choice of procedures taking into account your individual wishes and needs and according to your skin types: deep-cleaning and nutritious procedures, moisturizing procedures, procedures for oily and mixed skin. Procedures for your eyes, neck and décolleté, machine cosmetology,express procedures for business people, epilation, eye lashes and eye brows tinting.
    Manicure and pedicure is a professional care for nails which I make with high quality.
    With me you will experience pleasure from the process and the result of my work.
    I’ll realize your dreams. My work will inspire your self reliance and raise your self esteem.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Sep 2009
    • Posts: 36
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: The text for advertising

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    The choice of words depends on who you are writing to. If this is a study of language, it needs some editing. If this is truly an advertising piece, it needs editing and should include some action words. For advertising, make the reader the important person - not you. Let me know what you want this piece to do and I can help more.
    Yes, I'm writing this piece to a person who might be interested in my services, it's kind of adverising.
    I want the message to be clear and informative.
    Thank you


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
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    #3

    Re: The text for advertising

    Quote Originally Posted by svetik View Post
    Could you please check the following text for grammar and the choice of vocabulary
    Thank you
    I give (present) a big offer a wide choice of procedures taking into account your individual wishes and needs and according to your skin type. Amongst my services are: deep-cleansing and nutritious procedures, moisturizing procedures, procedures for oily and mixed skin, care of sensitive skin areas (such as that round the eyes). Procedures for your eyes, neck and décolleté, machine cosmetology,express procedures for business people, depilation, eye-lash and eyebrow tinting.
    I also can provide Manicures and pedicures, using high wuality products. is a professional care for nails which I make with high quality.
    With me you will experience pleasure from the process and the result of my work.
    I’ll realize your dreams. My work will inspire your self-assurance and raise your self esteem.
    Always remember - Keep It Simple.

    ..

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