A smalll script Kindly check the writing style

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new2grammar

Senior Member
Joined
May 5, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Punjabi
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
Scene 1:
A man is furiously driving a car; BMW, looking nervous, he goes zip zap through the traffic. Suddenly his cell rings which is kept on the seat next to him. He presses the answer button and says, ‘hello.’ Mr.Kulkarni, I am Dr. Rajesh, I am extremely sorry I was unable to save your son. After hearing the news, tears roll down from his cheeks and he starts weeping. His car zoom pass the public bus.
Scene 2:
Camera pans from the exteriors of the car to the interiors of the bus; a man sitting at the window exclaims, Wow! BMW the man, who is at the wheel would be the happiest person, he possesses all happiness in the world. Suddenly his cell beeps, he takes it out from his upper pocket. ‘Oh! I got a message on my iphone..er…mobile. He reads the message that says congratulations! Your wife has given a birth to a daughter. Suddenly all the thoughts faded away from his mind & he is full of happiness, filled with excitement
 

bhaisahab

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Apr 12, 2008
Member Type
Retired English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
England
Current Location
Ireland
Scene 1:
A man is furiously driving a car; BMW, looking nervous, he goes zip zap through the traffic. Suddenly his cell rings which is kept on the seat next to him. He presses the answer button and says, ‘hello.’ Mr.Kulkarni, I am Dr. Rajesh, I am extremely sorry I was unable to save your son. After hearing the news, tears roll down from his cheeks and he starts weeping. His car zoom pass the public bus.
Scene 2:
Camera pans from the exteriors of the car to the interiors of the bus; a man sitting at the window exclaims, Wow! BMW the man, who is at the wheel would be the happiest person, he possesses all happiness in the world. Suddenly his cell beeps, he takes it out from his upper pocket. ‘Oh! I got a message on my iphone..er…mobile. He reads the message that says congratulations! Your wife has given a birth to a daughter. Suddenly all the thoughts faded away from his mind & he is full of happiness, filled with excitement
A man is furiously driving a car, a BMW, he looks nervous, he goes zip zap through the traffic. Suddenly his cell, which is kept on the seat next to him, rings. He presses the answer button and says, ‘hello.’ Mr.Kulkarni, I am Dr. Rajesh, I am extremely sorry, I was unable to save your son. After hearing the news, he begins to weep. His car zooms pass the public bus.
Scene 2:
The camera pans from the exterior of the car to the interior of the bus; a man sitting at the window exclaims, Wow! a BMW the man who is at the wheel must be the happiest person alive, he possesses all happiness in the world. Suddenly his cell beeps, he takes it out from his upper pocket. ‘Oh! I've got a message on my iphone..er…mobile. He reads the message, it says, Congratulations! Your wife has given a birth to a daughter. Suddenly all his previous thoughts faded from his mind and he was full of happiness, filled with excitement.
 
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