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  1. Tinastroud
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    #1

    Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language

    Could you please look at the below sentences and let me know if they are correct.
    I am Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language.

    1. Per your request, Emile provided several references with her job application.
    2. Reply if you wish for us to precede going forward with this matter.
    3. Sarah expects to use our proposal at the department meeting Friday morning.
    4. To expedite the processing of your order, please include your contact information.
    5. The penultimate and ultimate reasons for hiring our firm are our proven adroitness and efficaciousness.

    The number five I have not touched it at all, I am not sure about it.
    thanks


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    #2

    Re: Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinastroud View Post
    Could you please look at the below sentences and let me know if they are correct.
    I am Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language.

    1. Per your request, Emile provided several references with her job application.
    2. Reply if you wish for us to precede going forward with this matter.
    3. Sarah expects to use our proposal at the department meeting Friday morning.
    4. To expedite the processing of your order, please include your contact information.
    5. The penultimate and ultimate reasons for hiring our firm are our proven adroitness and efficaciousness.

    The number five I have not touched it at all, I am not sure about it.
    thanks
    1. You could make it even more simple by changing 'per your request' to 'as you requested'.
    2. 'Proceed' not 'precede'.
    3. This is fine.
    4. 'Expedite' isn't a common word. 'To speed up the processing...' is more simple.
    5. "The two main reasons for hiring our firm are our proven skill and effictiveness." Something like that. I'm not sure what it means by penultimate and ultimate - those mean second-last and last, respectively, and I don't know how that fits in with 'reasons'. So, I took it to mean its the two main reasons.

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    #3

    Re: Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language

    "Proceed going forward" is wrong because "proceed" means "go forward". It is called tautology (unnecessary repetition).
    I am not a teacher.

  2. BobK's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language

    Quote Originally Posted by ianhood View Post
    "Proceed going forward" is wrong because "proceed" means "go forward". It is called tautology (unnecessary repetition).
    I am not a teacher.
    I think this use of 'going forward' was itself jargon; in modern management-speak it means 'from now on' (but with a trendy frisson of progress and self-improvement) - all the more reason to cut it out:
    'Reply if you want us to proceed with this.'

    Of no. 5, _Linguist said "...those mean second-last and last, respectively, and I don't know how that fits in with 'reasons'". To answer that, I'd suggest that the context must have supplied several others. For example: 'There are five reasons...' In that case you could just say 'The last two are...'.

    b

  3. euncu's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinastroud View Post
    on Friday morning.
    .

  4. BobK's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language

    Or, if it's regular, 'the Friday morning meeting'.

    b

  5. Raymott's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Eliminating Jargon and Simplifying Language

    Quote Originally Posted by BobK View Post
    I think this use of 'going forward' was itself jargon; in modern management-speak it means 'from now on' (but with a trendy frisson of progress and self-improvement) - all the more reason to cut it out:
    b
    A cardinal in Sydney was pilloried in the media recently for introducing this phrase into the Mass.
    He came out with:
    May God be with you, as you go forward. [!]

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