The last paragraph should be rewritten.Would you please give me some suggestions? Thank you very much!:)
Topic: In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men, what do you think make these changes happen? what is your opinion? (within 300 words, at least 250 words; IELTS for GENERAL TRAINING)
Women have recently played a significant role in many occupations, not only
involving in political regionin politics, but in terms ofalso in some of the dangerous occupational areas, such as crime detection, wherethat are, generally, dominated by men. Therefore, it is easy to draw a conclusion that it is a victory for women, who have been struggling for their rights ofto equality. However, from my perspective, it is a social environment (?) and individual features, rather than the gender, that fundamentally create differences.
The reason why some men’s jobs would be replaced by women is in the fact that many families with children and old people nowadays have to face
withsevere social and financial stress. A traditional role as a thrifty housekeeper seems to be unable to support a whole family only depending on the income of her husband. (the whole sentence needs rewording) Therefore, facing withas they face a fierce employment competition, they have no choice but to seek ajobs that isare not suitable tofor herthem. (why would be all jobs not suitable?)
On the other hand, many positions which are considered to be more appropriate
tofor men, have been taken by women, who have aspecial capabilit yies . For instance, a woman who has a strong erbody and good eyesight as well as a sharp mind, shows great competence in detecting a crime, while a man who has a weak body withand myopia, cannotdoes not. In other words, gender is not always the case to determine that who, women or men, to take a special job. (In other words, gender does not always serve as a criterion for the employment.)
In conclusion, I believe that the selection of jobs is basic on social environment and personal capability. Admittedly, different genders may lead to different individual features, which generally determine what job people should take, but even in a same gender, individuals are different, therefore, emphasizing the fact that genders decide jobs is somewhat meaningless.
Student or Learner