My Dream House

[johnq]

Here is my writing on the "My Dream House". I would be grateful if someone would review my essay and give me feedback on the sentence structure and grammar of writing.


My Dream House

House is a place where we can shelter and it gives us a protection from rain, heat , storm etc. Everyone has their own choice on what type of house they feel comfortable to live, so do I. I enjoy to live in calm and open environment, so house built on small land won't be my choice. I want a large open space surrounded by compound where I can stroll especially when I feel bored on my job. I want the garden in front of my house which will give me natural environment. One more thing to mention here, I want the house which is far from main city and industrial area since I don't like the noisy environment.Oh, yeah, what about the size of the house? I prefer the medium size house having 2 or 3 floors. I don't like very large building because I have small family and I don't like to rent my home. I prefer to stay in second or ground floor during the summer season because the top floor is excessively heated during the very season whereas I like to stay in second or third floor during the winter as ground floor will be excessively cold during that period. Next thing is about gym room, I would like to have a fitness center within my premise as I am a young boy and I want to be a healthy person.

I have mentioned so many physical needs in my above paragraph but I would like to conculde my writing saying cool and amicable family environment is must to make our home like a heaven. Otherwise, it will be a hell and we would like to spend most of our time outside the home rather than with family.

Thanks

 

[IHIVG]

I'm not an expert, but here are a few (mostly grammatical) corrections I believe would make this essay sound better.

Here is my writing on the "My Dream House". I would be grateful if someone would review my essay and give me feedback on the sentence structure and grammar of writing.


My Dream House

House is a place where we can shelter and it gives us [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] protection from rain, heat , storm etc. Everyone has their own choice on what type of house they feel comfortable to live in, so do I. I enjoy [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]live[/STRIKE] living in a calm and open environment, so house built on small land (I'm not sure what you mean by 'small land' here) won't be my choice. I want a large open space surrounded by compound, where I can stroll, especially when I feel bored [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] at my job. I want [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a garden in front of my house, which will give me a natural environment. One more thing to mention here, I want [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a house which is far from main city and industrial area since I don't like [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a noisy environment. Oh, yeah, what about the size of the house? I prefer the medium size of the house [STRIKE]having[/STRIKE], which has 2 or 3 floors in it. I don't like very large buildings because I have small family and I don't like to rent my home. I prefer to stay [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] on the second or ground floor during the summer season because the top floors [STRIKE]is excessively heated [/STRIKE] heat up excessively during the very hot season, whereas I like to stay [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] on the second or third floor during the winter, as the ground floor [STRIKE]will be [/STRIKE] becomes excessively cold during that period. (Try to shorten this sentence or divide it into two) Next thing is [STRIKE]about[/STRIKE] a gym room, I would like to have a fitness center within my premise as I am a young boy and I want to be a healthy person.

I have mentioned so many physical needs (you mentioned only one of them, actually, - shelter) in my above paragraph (in my paragraph above), but I would like to [STRIKE]conculde[/STRIKE] conclude my [STRIKE]writing[/STRIKE] essay by saying that a cool and amicable family environment [STRIKE]is must to [/STRIKE] should make our homes feel like [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] heaven. Otherwise, it [STRIKE]will [/STRIKE] would be [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] hell, and we would like to spend most of our time outside the home rather than with our famil[STRIKE]y[/STRIKE]ies.

Thanks

 

[ltsang]

In a real writing. The writing has to be a page and half long. So I do not think that yours is a page. Yours maybe a half a page. Also you can't use the word they. Who is they? Be more specific. Also list why you want this to be my dream house. Kinda like this:

As of today people has shelter. The shelter help protected by the storm. The storm can cause serious damage to the shelter. There are different kinds of shelter. They are houses, building, and other places that can be found. I want this to be my dream house because its nice, big, and a lot of space.

Then you have to describe nice, big and a lot of space in each paragraph. Also you can't use the word you at all.

Also if you want to you can go to www.pearsoncustom.com/ga/gtc_english you can buy an access code on there to practice for yourself you want. See yah.
I also have some notes from my previous class too. I can scan them and post them on the site and you can save it and print out as your guide.

I'm not really an expert. I just know the basics. Can someone fill me in? Am I writing on the writing an essay. Well let me know. Thanks.

 

[johnq]

Hello ltsang,

Thank you very much for your useful comments. Could you please provide me your notes so that I can read and improve my English. I am a non-native speaker of English and I have trouble in my grammar. I can write the essay but I can't be sure whether my sentence is grammatically correct or not. Can someone suggest me how can I improve my English writing skill so that I won't make any grammatical mistakes in my writing?

Thanks

 

[ltsang]

sure here go I hope you enjoy it:

What is an essay?
" The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium- Norbet Platt.

* A series of paragraphs that support one central idea.
* Remember these technical aspects: indent first line of every paragraph; double-space entire essay; use times new roman, size 12 font.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Major parts of an essay
1. Introduction: Should capture reader's attention. Should not start off by answering question that the topic asks. why not?

Thesis statement:

* Usually in introduction towards end
* One sentence that tells the reader what the essay will be about
* Express the main topic of the essay
*Answers the question that the topic is asking
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Three Major parts of an essay:

2. Body: Made up of one or more paragraphs.

Develop your ideas. Go beyond the obvious. Do note tell the readers what any other person can tell them.

The body should include details, examples and explanations.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Three Main parts of an essay:
3. Conclusion: A polished end to the essay

Reemphasizes the main idea (thesis). Restating the main points can be a good idea here, but not always. Why not?
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The writing process:
We all have our ways of going about writing, but this is a good place to start.
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Brain storm:

why do most students skip this step?

The writer is focused on only task -thinking of ideas, not grammar, sentence structure, organization, punctuation, etc.
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Organize:

many students will skip this also.

The write is focused on only one task- organizing ideas, not think of ideas, grammar, etc.

Don't worry about making a proper outline. Just decide which ideas you'll use, which ones you'll omit and where they'll go.
-----------------------------------------------------------

write: please don't start with this step. If you do, you will be trying to do too many task at once.

Don't worry about proofreading yet>

You know where the ideas belong, now put them there.
---------------------------------------------------------------

Proofread:

Again, this is a step students skip.

Once you've proofread from the top to bottom, try from bottom to top.
---------------------------------------------------------

You can also find more information on:

nouns:
What is a Noun?

pronouns:
What is a Pronoun?

Apostrophes:
Purdue OWL

Fragments and run-ons:
Fragments

Commas to combine ideas:
Sentence-Combining Skills

These are some few ones to keep you going. but whatever you need can be done by searching on google.com

 

[ltsang]

here is another part of the notes:

Five useful ways to join ideas and their vocabulary​

For- With the oject or purpose of
And-( to connect gramtically coordinate words phrases or cause) along or together with as well as in addition to; besides; also; more.
Nor- (Used in negative phrases, esp. after neither, to introduce the second member in a series, or any subsequent member.)
But- on the contrary yet.
Or- (used to connect words, phrases, or clauses representing alternatives.)
Yet- at the present time; now.
So- in the way or manner indicated, described, or implied

Consequently- as, a result, effects, or outcome; therefore.
Furthermore- moreover; besides; in addition.
However- nevetheless; yet; on the other hand; in spite of that.
Indeed- in fact; in reality; in truth; truthly( used for emphasis to confirm and amplify a previous statement, to indicate a concession or admission, or interrogatively, to obtain.
In fact- actually; really; indeed
Moreover- Beyond what has been stated; besides.
Nevertheless- nonetheless; notwithstanding; however; in spite of that.
Then- at that time
Therefore- in consequence of that; as a result; consequently.

Subordination​

After- behind in place or position; following behind.
Although- in spite of the fact that.
As if- as it would be if
Because- for the reason that; due to the fact that.
Before- previous to; ealier or sooner than.
If- In case that; granting or supposing that; on condition that.
Since- from then till now.
Unless- except under the circumstances that
Until- up to that time or when
When(ever)- at whatever time; at anytime when
Whereas-while on the contrary
While- a period or interval time