[Essay] Please could you take a look at my essay?

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puzzledlesann

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<<Life is becoming more and more stressful. whether we are at school university or work, there is growing pressure on us to increase our efforts, to succeed, to outdo others. We are also feeling the strain in the little spare time we are allowed, as leisure activities become ever more intense and often more competitive.
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It is a common belief that people in the 21st century experience stress more often than they used to . The set examples and the modern lifestyle are usually blammed.

To begin with, nowadays society makes people competitive. People have many needs and the ambition to be successful so they are eager to satisfy their needs.

Because of this, children learn to be competitive from their early school years in order to enter a good university and lead a successful life. Students are exhorted or even forced to have high grades and to be the best in lessons and sports.

Their competitive behavior is also encouraged at the university. The common belief that students are rivals leads many of them to overdo with their efforts to mark out amongst their fellow students.

Naturally, this behavior is usually seen in workplace. People work long hours and
many times they sacrifice their personal life, in order to be the best amongst their colleges and the first to be promoted. Of course, their aims are to earn as much money as they can and to be admired.

Moreover, this behavior is expanded in all aspects of life. People compete against each other even in their spare time, while playing sports, instead of having fun. Trying to be successful in life is a very stressful situation and many people find it difficult to handle their work life and personal needs.

However, not everything can be stressful, as modern life has many positive aspects. Today, most people in developed countries do not worry about the education of their children and the health care system since their access to them is a fact.

Also, everyday life has become easier due to technology and the rights that we have. Nowadays, we surely have less things to worry about concerning our household duties, transport and the chance to be successful.

To sum up, competition and the ambition to succeed have made life very stressful. However, if people appreciate the chances offered by modern society they can balance their needs.
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[FONT=Comic Sans MS, cursive]Thanks in advance for your help.[/FONT]


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RonBee

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It is a common belief that people in the 21st century experience stress more [STRIKE]often[/STRIKE] than they used to .

Perhaps it would be better to say that people in the 21st century experience more stress than people of earlier eras.



The set examples and the modern lifestyle are usually blammed.
I'm not sure what you mean by set examples.

:)
 

puzzledlesann

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THANK YOU!!!!

<<set examples>>: I mean the role models that appear on TV etc. and people imitate them...? I'm not so sure that I can express myself better about this. I hope you got what I mean.
And what about the rest of the essay? I think there are some mistakes

Thanks a lot!!!!
 
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