Hello, my edits will be made in red. I'm not a teacher, but I hope I can help you anyways. :)
Television has become one of the most influential innovations of the 20th century. It totally has changed our style of living. Television has good and bad influences on people. Some people think that we should allow kids to watch TV whenever they want. Others think contrary to them. I strongly believe that TV has harmful effects on kids. Below I would like to illustrate several reasons and examples to support my point of view.
First and foremost I would like to mention that TV has become brutal today. Children at an early age absorb everything like a sponge; however, they cannot distinguish between bad and good
and that is why when they watch television. They do not sort(use a different verb) information that they get from television. It affects physiology(go into detail or use a better word, physiology is a field of study) of kids in negative way. Kids are becoming much more aggressive after thewatching TV. For instance, (comma is not needed, but I'd add it) they see in movies how it's easy to kill any person. They do not think about consequences. or actors die in one movie and revive in another it seems easy for children to kill or to become alive.Children may get the impression that they can be resurrected if they are ever killed or mortally wounded (this last passage seems a bit out of order, yet I'm going to cram in a revision anyways).
Moreover, it is crucial to
highlightindicate that TV is an great attraction for any child. Even elderly people cannot forcerefrain (or a better word) themselves to avoidfrom watching TV. When people watch TV, they cannot do anything else; TV is like a magnet that attracts people. Therefore, because of TV, children start to pay less attention to their lessons. They want to finish lessons as fast as they can, so that they can watch their lovely cartoon or movie. Furthermore, TV has a negative effect on children’s health. Because of television, children start to pay less attention to physical activities; they become more lazylazier. According to statisticsBecause of TV, more and more people start wear glasses.
On the other hand, each coin has two sides: it's worst to point out that there are some situations where my option does not work. Because of TV, people become aware about most things in the world. There are some channels that encourage kids to do good things; moreover, there is many programs on TV that educate children.
Taking into account all reasons and details listed above, I would like to accentuate () that TV has harmful effects on kids. First reason is TV has become brutal today, and the second reason is TV is a great attraction for any child. Even elderly people cannot help themselves.
You should work on learning the rules of basic sentence structure. You had too many run-on sentences, and you forgot to add many commas. Please also use semicolons and periods where they are needed. Capitalize "TV" and other abbreviations. Use clauses effectively, and do not over use them. Make sure you know what a word means before using it, and don't be afraid to mix up sentences to give your reader a bigger variety of sentences that keeps him/her interested.
Overall, this was a good essay. Just keep studying, my friend!
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