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    • Join Date: Oct 2009
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    #1

    Please correct my grammar. Thank you.

    This is summery of [B]How we can empower parents, schools, and the community to battle childhood obesity by Michelle Obama/B]: If you would like to read the article go to //www.newsweek.com/id/234885

    First lady Michelle Obama is urging the nations to battle childhood obesity in America.

    According to her article, about one-third of American children, are overweight or obese. The country spends the billion of dollars every year treating obesity-related diseases, most of which are preventable. Weight-related health issues are also on the rise, and Obama hopes that if children can develop a healthy lifestyle when they’re young, they can avoid these problems both now and as adults.

    She point-out many reasons childhood obesity is on the rise. Many families have difficulty purchasing the best foods for their children, the quality of school meals and easy availability of snacks and sugary drinks in many school vending machines were some of the first targets in the war on child obesity.

    Mrs. Obama is pushing for a solution with her new "Let's Move" campaign, an anti-obesity program that will give parents the support they need, provide healthier foods in schools, help our kids to be more psychically active, and make healthy, affordable food available in every part of our country.

    To conclude, Her goal is ending what she calls “the epidemic of childhood obesity” in a generation.

  1. kfredson's Avatar

    • Join Date: Dec 2009
    • Posts: 700
    #2

    Re: Please correct my grammar. Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tes View Post
    This is summery of [B]How we can empower parents, schools, and the community to battle childhood obesity, written by Michelle Obama/B]: If you would like to read the article go to //www.newsweek.com/id/234885

    First lady Michelle Obama is urging the nations to battle childhood obesity in America.

    According to her article, about one-third of American children [no comma] are overweight or obese. The country spends the billion of dollars every year treating obesity-related diseases, most of which are preventable. Weight-related health issues are also on the rise, and Obama hopes that if children can develop a healthy lifestyle when they’re young, they can avoid these problems both now and as adults.

    She points to many reasons for the rise in childhood obesity is on the rise. Some of the first targets in the war on child obesity include the difficulty many families have purchasing the best foods for their children, the quality of school meals, and the easy availability of snacks and sugary drinks in many school vending machines were .

    Mrs. Obama is pushing for a solution with her new "Let's Move" campaign, an anti-obesity program that will give parents the support they need, provide healthier foods in schools, help our kids to be more psychically physically active, and make healthy, affordable food available in every part of our country.

    To conclude, her goal is ending what she calls “the epidemic of childhood obesity” in a generation.
    You have done a very good job of summarizing this! I took the liberty of rearranging a couple of your sentences. I hope that this is still true to your meaning.

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Please correct my grammar. Thank you.

    One tiny additional edit: The country spends the billion of dollars
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

    • Member Info
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    • Join Date: Oct 2009
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    #4

    Re: Please correct my grammar. Thank you.

    Thank you both Kfredson and Bard D for correcting my grammar. Please keep up your good work.

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