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Dying, You Will Die...
They say that a person becomes kinder when they are about to die, but I donít feel that in any way. In a few days, I know that my life will become much shorter than anotherís. The previous few days, I spent in crying and thinking. Later, I realized that everybody would reach this stage. I could be lucky that I know my last months in this world rather than being like others. I started to plan for every single day, but later, I decided that I should to live my remaining life normally. However, I kept three things on my schedule that I prepared and which I hope to do in the next six months. I would like to spend my first two months in improving myself and travelling around the world. In the third and fourth months, I will try to be closer to God as I die and I will try to leave a good image of me after I leave. The last two months, I have decided to spend with my family, friends, and those who are close to me. Then, I will try to go see my grave and prepare myself and the people in my life to accept this change. Putting all of my dreams, wishes, and hopes, my love toward life and the happiness in six months remaining, and working on them to fit is a challenge that I have to do.
In the first two months, I feel that I would like to hold the whole world between my hands and live every event or experience. I have decided to go to the most famous places and experience their common activities. I would like to go to countries which have a natural beauty and explore them. I would like to go to countries with a rich history and learn how some of their people have come into peopleís lives by visiting them at the local museums. After that, I would like to contribute to my society. As the first step, I prefer to help one person in his life rather than hundreds with small life issues. Improving myself involves continuing my education even if I know that it will end soon. In the first two months, I would like to learn the hope which will kill my fears that relate to my situation.
In the second two months, as it is the middle period, I would like to be in the middle as well. I would like to have a balance in my life between real life and religious life. I will try to increase my prayers and clarify my mind from life concerns. I will try to have some charities. I would like to read the Quran and investigate more about what is waiting for me? Also, I would like to leave a good image behind me. I will try to build this image by building and repairing my weak relationships with others and strengthening the good ones. Moreover, I would like to give a whole day for all those who are in my life, which I didnít get a chance to hang out with. By doing so, I would discover something new that I didnít notice before due to personal requirements. In this period, I would live my days based on my concerns rather than planning each and every day.
Last but not least, I prefer to spend my last two months with my family. I would like to celebrate for the whole of the fifth month with them even for the silly things. This could be ridiculous, but spending time in watching your familyís happiness is something valuable. I would like to attend my sisterís graduation, my cousinís marriage, my little brotherís birthday, etc. But if I couldnít, I would like to leave my love towards them that could support them. Before my specified day, I would like to go with my family and see my grave. Because, I know later, when they visit me, they will remember this trip. Moreover, I would like to go there to imagine what itís like waiting for me and what am I supposed to do. This is a big step, but it will also strengthen me. I think after going with my family on this trip, I would like to prepare them and myself by spending the last few weeks away. This change could be difficult, but with practice it will be easier. Preparing for the next level could be difficult, but nothing is hard when you are between the people you love.
This change wonít teach my anything for the future because it is the end. On the other hand, it will teach my family how life could be tough and how we are supposed to deal with it. This is my plan before I die. My family may or may not follow it, but in the end I will be prepared to die. Spending the remaining time in exchanging the feelings, smiles, knowledge or more particularly, my relationships with others could express the longer life of any other person. Still, I am hoping that a miracle would happen and change my fate. Ignorance, sometime, is a better teacher than knowledge because, it teaches us how to deal with new things without plans.