About literary technique

[outofdejavu]

Someone hawked his goods to me on the street. I picked one. Upon hearing the rip-off price, I gasped in an unnoticeable manner.


Given this background information, which sentence among the following will cause a tense effect?

a) I gasped unnoticeably.
b) I gasped, unnoticeably.
c) I gasped. Unnoticeably.


Thank you.


Best Wishes,

 

[isedehi]

Someone hawked his goods to me on the street. I picked one. Upon hearing the rip-off price, I gasped in an unnoticeable manner.


Given this background information, which sentence among the following will cause a tense effect?

a) I gasped unnoticeably.
b) I gasped, unnoticeably.
c) I gasped. Unnoticeably.


Thank you.


Best Wishes,

Option A please.

 

[outofdejavu]

In fact, (a) is what I wrote in my journal, but I don't think (a) creates a dramatic effect. In other words, I think the narrative style of (a) is banal, so I came here for opinions.


Are (b) or (c) too off?


Best Wishes,

 

[Barb_D]

You could say "No one noticed my gasp of shock."

Or "... shocked gasp."

 

[Tdol]

Why gasp unnoticeably?

 

[Raymott]

Why gasp unnoticeably?

I agree. I don't think it can be done. You can gasp 'unnoticed'.