Could you please check my letter? ..it's urgent!

[felliot]

Hello everybody,
I have to send as soon as possible this mail and I need to know if it is correct.
Could you please please please please tell me it?
THANKs A LOT!!!!

"To the kind attention of xx,
Dear Sir xx,
My name is xx, I am an Italian undergraduate student at the University of xx.
I have won the International Scholarship that gives financial aid and allows Italian students of rm to study a semester at your university , according to the bilateral agreement that your university has signed with university of rm.
I am writing you to ask for informations.
The Scholarship Department of Rm told me that I have to contact you to refine/complete the procedure of acceptance and registration at your university.

Could you please tell me how can I do this?
What document I have to fill, concerning this bilateral agreement?

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Best regards,"

 

[yuriya]

Hello everybody,
I have to send as soon as possible this mail and I need to know if it is correct.
Could you please please please please tell me it?
THANKs A LOT!!!!

[STRIKE]"To the kind attention of xx[/STRIKE],
To whom it may concern,
[STRIKE]Dear Sir xx,[/STRIKE]
Dear Sir/Ma'am, (if you're not sure about their sex of course)
My name is xx, I am an Italian undergraduate student at the University of xx.
I have won [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] an International Scholarship (international scholarship unless it is the proper name) that gives financial aid and allows Italian students of rm to study a semester at your university , according to the bilateral agreement that your university has signed with university of rm.
The above is good, but I'd phrase it like this: Thanks to an international scholarship I've won, I am planning to study at your university as an exchange student for the next semester.
I am writing you to ask for informations.
The Scholarship Department of Rm told me that I have to contact you to refine/complete the procedure of acceptance and registration at your university.
Again, my writing would be instead: According to the coordinator at the Scholarship Department of XXX, I have to confirm my acceptance and registration status at your university.
Could you please tell me how can I do this?
What document I have to fill, concerning this bilateral agreement?
I'd appreciate it if you'd confirm that you have been notified as such, and I hope that you'd forward me a registration package as soon as available.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Best regards,"

Congrats and good luck!

 

[felliot]

Thank you very much!! :-D