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  1. unregistered
    Guest
    #1

    Could you help correct my letter please?

    Dear Mr XX

    Thank you for your committed support to our organization in fulfilling our mission.

    I am sorry to hear about your retirement and understand this would affect your support to us.
    This would be a loss for us but we sympathize more with you because we know your retirement would affect you in other ways also.

    Thank you for choosing to volunteer to help in one of our offices. For more information on volunteer services please visit our website or call 888888.

    Many thanks,

    KW,
    SSA Company

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jun 2006
    • Posts: 2,130
    #2

    Re: Could you help correct my letter please?

    Quote Originally Posted by unregistered View Post
    Dear Mr XX

    Thank you for your committed support(1) to (2) our organization in fulfilling our mission.

    I am sorry to hear about your retirement and understand this would affect your support to us.(3)
    This would be a loss for(4) to us but we sympathize more with you because we know your retirement would affect you in other ways also.(5)

    Thank you for choosing to volunteer to help in one of our offices. For more information on volunteer services, please visit our website or call 888888.

    Many thanks,

    KW,
    SSA Company

    1. I find 'committed support' a strange collocation. (warm support/continued support/unwavering support)
    2. 'support for' or 'support given to'
    3. I thought retirement is not something to feel sad or sympathetic about.
    4. Loss to, not for
    5. an unclear and rather strange sentence

    not a teacher

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