does this sentence sound correct

[dagger88]

I would like to email this for follow up after interview.

Hi Michelle,

Would you please be able to give me an update about the job opening at IBM, we discussed about a week ago? I am very interested in the job. Has the position been filled? Please reply at your earliest convenience.
Thank you.

Regards,

Louis Dymarco

 

[emsr2d2]

I would like to email this for follow up after interview.

[STRIKE]Hi[/STRIKE] Dear Michelle,

Would you please [STRIKE]be able to[/STRIKE] give me an update about the job opening at IBM, which we discussed about a week ago? I am very interested in the job. Has the position been filled? Please reply at your earliest convenience. (Or "I would be grateful for an early/urgent reply.")
Thank you.

Yours sincerely

Louis Dymarco

See above. I don't know how well you know this person but I think "Hi" and "Regards" are a bit informal.

 

[dagger88]

hello, thanks for the reply.

i have met the person once. is using dear/ sincerely not a little bit too formal...trying too hard to sound polite??


also what should i read in " subject ' of the email?

"attn: michelle?" or should i mention my name?

thanks for your help





ps. should maybe be less wordy?

i was maybe thinking of condensing it to:

hello michelle,

please update me about the job opening at ibm, which we discussed last week. has the position been filled? please reply at your earliest convenience. Thank you very much.

regards,

louis

 

[emsr2d2]

hello, thanks for the reply.

i have met the person once. is using dear/ sincerely not a little bit too formal...trying too hard to sound polite??


also what should i read in " subject ' of the email?

"attn: michelle?" or should i mention my name?

thanks for your help


ps. should maybe be less wordy?

i was maybe thinking of condensing it to:

hello michelle,

please update me about the job opening at ibm, which we discussed last week. has the position been filled? please reply at your earliest convenience. Thank you very much.

regards,

louis

If you've only met her once, then I definitely think you should stay formal. When you're talking about a job that you want to get, I don't think you can sound too polite.

As far as the subject line goes, if you're not emailing it to her personally (just to the company) then yes, you need to put "FAO: Michelle + surname" so that the right person reads it!

If you are emailing it to her personally, then I would say something like "Job vacancy update request", or you could simply put "From + your full name" in case your name isn't clear from your email address.

Your condensed version is OK but I would still stick with formality.

 

[dagger88]

thank you.also i need your opinon on what , how to ask this.

the interview was done, everything .. all that needed to be done was a criminal background check. now i dont know if my background is clear(?)

background checks only take few days but its now been a week.

should i ask this in the email? and so how ?

 

[emsr2d2]

thank you.also i need your opinon on what , how to ask this.

the interview was done, everything .. all that needed to be done was a criminal background check. now i dont know if my background is clear(?)

background checks only take few days but its now been a week.

should i ask this in the email? and so how ?

Wow, only a few days. That's very quick! I'm not sure I would mention it quite so directly, or rather I wouldn't ask "Is there a problem with it?" You could maybe use "I understand that the only remaining procedure was the criminal background check. Please let me know if you need any further information with regard to that." or something similar.

 

[dagger88]

so i did send out this email:


Dear Michelle,

Would you please be able to give me an update about the job opening at IBM, which we discussed about a week ago? I am very interested in the job. Has the position been filled? Please reply at your earliest convenience. (Or "I would be grateful for an early/urgent reply.")
Thank you.

Yours sincerely

Louis Dymarco


her reply:

"Hi Louis,
No updates on the ibm role.
i keep you posted.

thanks."



what am i suppose to make of that?? last wednesday he told me all needs to be done was my background and he will give me a shout so i will start on friday.....

i waited the whole week and yesterday i send him that email.. ...

and what is his reply suppose to mean????

i still dont know if its because of my background check...or whaat????

what am i suppose to do now?? wait??

 

[emsr2d2]

so i did send out this email:


Dear Michelle,

Would you please be able to give me an update about the job opening at IBM, which we discussed about a week ago? I am very interested in the job. Has the position been filled? Please reply at your earliest convenience. (Or "I would be grateful for an early/urgent reply.")
Thank you.

Yours sincerely

Louis Dymarco


her reply:

"Hi Louis,
No updates on the ibm role.
i keep you posted.

thanks."



what am i suppose to make of that?? last wednesday he told me all needs to be done was my background and he will give me a shout so i will start on friday.....

i waited the whole week and yesterday i send him that email.. ...

and what is his reply suppose to mean????

i still dont know if its because of my background check...or whaat????

what am i suppose to do now?? wait??

Yes, I think you'll just have to wait now. If there are no updates then she has nothing to tell you, good or bad! And because she has said "I'll keep you posted", she is making it clear that she will let you know when she hears something.

I think you were right to chase it up after a week, but after you have chased something up once, and received a reply, it's best (in my opinion) to leeave it until you hear something else from her. They may have interviewed several people and are now doing various checks on all those people, not just you, so you won't hear anything until everything has been done and they have made a decision.

Good luck.