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    #1

    Please Edit My Reposted Script

    I posted my essay(it is actually a blog) in two threads but no one has edited it. Please correct the script if you have found grammatical and vocabulary errors in it. Thanks in advance.

    Title: Down With A Fever

    I had difficulty waking up this morning. My head was heavy and my body aching all over. However, I still dragged myself to work. I believed I could withstand the minor discomfort well. After all, today was the last day of my school's examination week and I had only four classes to invigilate. The job would not be a strenuous exertion.

    Contrary to my thoughts, my condition worsened when I was at school. I felt very tired and sleepy during the first two supervisions. I had to rub heat oil on my forehead to keep myself awake. In the third session, A feeling of giddiness came over me. I crossed my arms on the teacher's desk and rested my groggy head on them. I realized I was running a temperature. Curious murmurs began to fill the classroom. To restore quietness in the classroom, I told the students about my fever. The explanation was able to raise their sympathy and they fell silent obediently. What a considerate bunch they were!

    I had two free periods after the third invigilation. I fumbled inside my knapsack for pills and found a blister pack of paracetamols( I have a habit of keeping medicines in my knapsack. I fall sick easily). I swallowed two pills with a single gulp of water. Then, I slouched in my cushioned seat and closed my eyes to rest. My body heat was getting more and more intense in the first few minutes. It pulsed through my limbs like undulating waves. I squirmed involuntarily in agony. At one point I felt cold. I had to hug my knapsack to keep my body warm. The torture seemed to last forever. I kept praying for God's mercy in delirium. Miraculously, I sweated and felt slightly better after forty minutes. Did God answer my prayer or the pills were showing effects?

    I perspired more when I did my fourth invigilation . It helped to soothe my discomfort. I clocked off at 1.40 p.m. and hitched a colleague's ride home. I bought a three-day supply of anti-fever pills in the pharmacy near my house. I ate one pill after a light lunch of noodle soup. The soporific pill made me fall into a deep sleep. When I awoke at 6p.m., the fever was almost gone.

    Because of the long nap, I was alert throughout the night. I slept late at 12 p.m. My three-week long school break would start tomorrow and I could wake up as late as I wanted. Thank God for the holiday. It would surely give me an ample time to recuperate.

    Did I use the pronoun 'I' too regularly? What should I do to counteract the redundancies?
    Last edited by yeecharles; 28-May-2010 at 14:53.

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    #2

    Re: Please Edit My Reposted Script

    Please don't repost. People come in and post as they see fit- they're volunteering their free time. If you are looking for an instant professional proofreading service, there are plenty on the web. If not, please be patient.

    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: Please Edit My Reposted Script

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    Please don't repost. People come in and post as they see fit- they're volunteering their free time. If you are looking for an instant professional proofreading service, there are plenty on the web. If not, please be patient.
    Thanks, your advice has been heeded.

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