I need someone to edit it ^_^

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sarah bin

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Commercials of the media may have a negative effect on the behavior of young generations



In this world, almost all societies cannot live without media. It is become one of the top importances in life. Since it has brought most of their wishes, people begin to exploit this reality by advertising their products in order to catch customers. So, they invent new designs to make it very unique. However, this is getting bigger and has started crossing lines .In this case; commercials of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations which are on: their psychology and health.


Since the invention of the commercials of media, it has followed some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some commercials on TV, he might start begging his parents about this ad. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring it for rationalistic reasons because they do know the best for him. After that, he will begin to ask questions by crying or sitting alone. Therefore, this example can let the child thinks that his parents hate him. Consequently, the problem may be Depression .


Another concern is that may be affected on their health. As known, there are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children saw one of them, they might try it because they think that this is the guide to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effected on the health like chest diseases or malnutrition.


All in all, media has become the goal to reach our mind not the young alone. I believe as I read many articles; the family should let their children aware bout the real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless items.

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I will have a final exam essay after 2 weeks , and I need someone to tell me where are the mistakes on my writing in order to avoid these mistakes
Also, How can I be a good wtiter ??
 
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sarah bin

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my teacher gave me 4/10
sha said u have a problem with choosing the rigth words !!
Do u think she's right ,plz cheek it :-(
 

mouhamad

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my dearest sara i correct your essay and i hopy we both correct our essays

Propagandas of the media may have a negative effect on the behavior of young generations

In this world, almost all societies cannot live without media. It is(grammar) become as a one of the top importance in the life. Since it has brought the most of their wishes, people begin to exploit this reality by advertising their products in order to catch draw attention of the customers. So, they invent new designs style to make it very unique. However, this is getting bigger and has started crossing lines!!!! .In this case; propagandas of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations which are on: their psychology and health.

Since the invention of the Propagandaof media, it has brings some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some Propagandas on TV, he might start begging his parents about this ad. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring it for rationalistic reasons because they do know the best for him. After that, he will begin to asking by crying or sitting alone. Therefore, this can make child thinks that his parents hate him. Consequently, this may be carry out to the() problem.

Another concern is that the Propagandamay be affected on their health. For examples , there are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children saw one of these Propagandas , they might try it because they think that its guide to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effects on the health like chest diseases or malnutrition.

All in all, media has become the desired goal to reach our mind not only in the youth alone. I believe as I read many articles; that the family should let their children aware bout the real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless ADs.

you and my need more practice you have a good idea but you must considering your english reader you must write in english style
 

sarah bin

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Joined
May 30, 2010
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Student or Learner
Re: my dearest sara i correct your essay and i hopy we both correct our essays

Propagandas of the media may have a negative effect on the behavior of young generations


In this world, almost all societies cannot live without media. It is(grammar) become as a one of the top importance in the life. Since it has brought the most of their wishes, people begin to exploit this reality by advertising their products in order to catch draw attention of the customers. So, they invent new designs style to make it very unique. However, this is getting bigger and has started crossing lines!!!! .In this case; propagandas of the media have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of young generations which are on: their psychology and health.

Since the invention of the Propagandaof media, it has brings some psychology problems on the young generations. Unfortunately, when a child watches some Propagandas on TV, he might start begging his parents about this ad. Sometimes, the parents refuse to bring it for rationalistic reasons because they do know the best for him. After that, he will begin to asking by crying or sitting alone. Therefore, this can make child thinks that his parents hate him. Consequently, this may be carry out to the() problem.

Another concern is that the Propagandamay be affected on their health. For examples , there are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children saw one of these Propagandas , they might try it because they think that its guide to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effects on the health like chest diseases or malnutrition.

All in all, media has become the desired goal to reach our mind not only in the youth alone. I believe as I read many articles; that the family should let their children aware bout the real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such useless ADs.

you and my need more practice you have a good idea but you must considering your english reader you must write in english style
thank u ^_^
 

sarah bin

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I need a netaive English teacher to edit plz ):
I'm very sad about my marks ,its really not that good :cry:
 

billmcd

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Although I have made several corrections, you have put a lot of thought into your article and I tried not to alter your theme. It is a great start. Keep writing AND reading. Good writing won't happen overnight. Practice, practice, practice.

[STRIKE]Commercials of the media [/STRIKE] Media Commercials May Have a Negative Effect on the Behavior of Young Generations




In this world, almost all societies cannot live without the media. It [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] has become one of the [STRIKE]top[/STRIKE] most significant [STRIKE]importances[/STRIKE]influences in [STRIKE]life[/STRIKE]our lives. [STRIKE]Since it has brought most of their wishes, people begin to[/STRIKE] Marketers use the various media outlets to exploit this reality by advertising their products and services in order to [STRIKE]catch[/STRIKE] attract customers. So, they invent new designs to make [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] the presentation of their products very unique. However, this phenomenon is getting bigger and has started crossing lines .In this case, commercials [STRIKE]of the media[/STRIKE] have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of [STRIKE]young generations [/STRIKE] youth [STRIKE]which are on: their [/STRIKE]in the areas of psychology and health.



[STRIKE]Since the invention of the commercials of media, it has followed some psychology problems on the young generations.[/STRIKE] Unfortunately, when a child watches some commercials on TV, he might start begging his parents [STRIKE]about this ad[/STRIKE]to buy a certain product. Sometimes, [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] parents refuse to [STRIKE]bring[/STRIKE] purchase it for rational[STRIKE]istic[/STRIKE] reasons because [STRIKE]they do [/STRIKE]think they know the best for [STRIKE]him[/STRIKE]the child. After that, [STRIKE]he[/STRIKE]the child [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] might [STRIKE]begin to ask questions[/STRIKE] react by crying or sitting alone, sometimes making [STRIKE]Therefore, this example can let [/STRIKE]the child think[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] that [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE]the parents hate [STRIKE]him[/STRIKE]the child. Consequently, the problem may [STRIKE]be[/STRIKE]result in Depression .



Another concern influenced by the media is that [STRIKE]may be affected on their[/STRIKE]that of the consumer's health . [STRIKE]As known,[/STRIKE] There are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children [STRIKE]saw[/STRIKE]see one of them, they might try it because they think that this is the [STRIKE]guide[/STRIKE]way to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effect[STRIKE]ed[/STRIKE] on the health, like [STRIKE]chest[/STRIKE]heart and lung diseases or malnutrition.



All in all, media has become the [STRIKE]goal[/STRIKE] way to reach our mind and not the young alone. I believe as I read many articles; the family should [STRIKE]let[/STRIKE]make their children aware about the potential dangers of real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such [STRIKE]useless[/STRIKE] items that they feel to be detrimental to the health and safety of their children.

ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ
 
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sarah bin

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Joined
May 30, 2010
Member Type
Student or Learner
Here are some changes for you to consider. To become a better writer you must increase the number of words that you use - and understand what these words mean and how to use them.



thank u
I'll try my best ,wish me luck
 

sarah bin

Member
Joined
May 30, 2010
Member Type
Student or Learner
Although I have made several corrections, you have put a lot of thought into your article and I tried not to alter your theme. It is a great start. Keep writing AND reading. Good writing won't happen overnight. Practice, practice, practice.



[STRIKE]Commercials of the media [/STRIKE] Media Commercials May Have a Negative Effect on the Behavior of Young Generations




In this world, almost all societies cannot live without the media. It [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] has become one of the [STRIKE]top[/STRIKE] most significant [STRIKE]importances[/STRIKE]influences in [STRIKE]life[/STRIKE]our lives. [STRIKE]Since it has brought most of their wishes, people begin to[/STRIKE] Marketers use the various media outlets to exploit this reality by advertising their products and services in order to [STRIKE]catch[/STRIKE] attract customers. So, they invent new designs to make [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] the presentation of their products very unique. However, this phenomenon is getting bigger and has started crossing lines .In this case, commercials [STRIKE]of the media[/STRIKE] have inspired some negative effects on the behavior of [STRIKE]young generations [/STRIKE] youth [STRIKE]which are on: their [/STRIKE]in the areas of psychology and health.



[STRIKE]Since the invention of the commercials of media, it has followed some psychology problems on the young generations.[/STRIKE] Unfortunately, when a child watches some commercials on TV, he might start begging his parents [STRIKE]about this ad[/STRIKE]to buy a certain product. Sometimes, [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] parents refuse to [STRIKE]bring[/STRIKE] purchase it for rational[STRIKE]istic[/STRIKE] reasons because [STRIKE]they do [/STRIKE]think they know the best for [STRIKE]him[/STRIKE]the child. After that, [STRIKE]he[/STRIKE]the child [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] might [STRIKE]begin to ask questions[/STRIKE] react by crying or sitting alone, sometimes making [STRIKE]Therefore, this example can let [/STRIKE]the child think[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] that [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE]the parents hate [STRIKE]him[/STRIKE]the child. Consequently, the problem may [STRIKE]be[/STRIKE]result in Depression .



Another concern influenced by the media is that [STRIKE]may be affected on their[/STRIKE]that of the consumer's health . [STRIKE]As known,[/STRIKE] There are some products like cigarettes and beer which are shown on almost all the channels we saw. So, when the children [STRIKE]saw[/STRIKE]see one of them, they might try it because they think that this is the [STRIKE]guide[/STRIKE]way to be the coolest one in the world. However, this is wrong and has a lot of effect[STRIKE]ed[/STRIKE] on the health, like [STRIKE]chest[/STRIKE]heart and lung diseases or malnutrition.



All in all, media has become the [STRIKE]goal[/STRIKE] way to reach our mind and not the young alone. I believe as I read many articles; the family should [STRIKE]let[/STRIKE]make their children aware about the potential dangers of real life in order to be secure. Also, they should block any such [STRIKE]useless[/STRIKE] items that they feel to be detrimental to the health and safety of their children.

ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ

thank u so much
I like it
I hope that I could do better in the finle day
wish me luck ^_^
 
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