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    • Join Date: Jun 2010
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    #1

    Please correct this

    Please correct this or can it be better in advance language and short

    When i was in school i always used to carry tiffin at school.Once i dint get time to eat my tiffin in the break so i was eating my tiffin in the bus while going home.There was this girl who was younger to me by 2 years she was staring at my tiffin and snatched it from me and started eating it when i asked for my tiffin she scratched my face and my face was bleeding and i had all marks on my face,so all my friends dropped me homw and my mother instead of asking me how i am she scolded me as to so why i dint hit that girl back.Next my dad went to school and complained to the principal and the girl was suspended.There were other two guys who had encouraged her they were also suspended .My school mentioned the incident on notice board.And apparently i saw that girl on the platform after a long time.and all the memories came back to my mind

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • British English
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      • UK
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    • Join Date: Jul 2009
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    #2

    Re: Please correct this

    Quote Originally Posted by HARDWORK View Post
    Please correct this or can it be better in advance language and short

    When i was in school i always used to carry tiffin at school.Once i dint get time to eat my tiffin in the break so i was eating my tiffin in the bus while going home.There was this girl who was younger to me by 2 years she was staring at my tiffin and snatched it from me and started eating it when i asked for my tiffin she scratched my face and my face was bleeding and i had all marks on my face,so all my friends dropped me homw and my mother instead of asking me how i am she scolded me as to so why i dint hit that girl back.Next my dad went to school and complained to the principal and the girl was suspended.There were other two guys who had encouraged her they were also suspended .My school mentioned the incident on notice board.And apparently i saw that girl on the platform after a long time.and all the memories came back to my mind
    Before I start on another of your pieces, I would be very grateful if you would take note of my comments on your previous post.

    You need to capitalise the word "I" at all times, and need to really look at your punctuation. Can I suggest that you go through this piece yourself once more and make at least those corrections, then repost it for our comments?


    • Join Date: Jun 2010
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    #3

    Re: Please correct this

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Before I start on another of your pieces, I would be very grateful if you would take note of my comments on your previous post.

    You need to capitalise the word "I" at all times, and need to really look at your punctuation. Can I suggest that you go through this piece yourself once more and make at least those corrections, then repost it for our comments?
    Sorry, I have made a note of it and corrected the same,thanks.

    When I was in school I always used to carry tiffin at school.Once I didn't get time to eat my tiffin in the break so I was eating my tiffin in the bus while going home.There was this girl who was younger to me by 2 years she was staring at my tiffin and snatched it from me and started eating it when I asked for my tiffin she scratched my face and my face was bleeding and I had all marks on my face,so all my friends dropped me homw and my mother instead of asking me how I am she scolded me as to so why I dint hit that girl back.Next my dad went to school and complained to the principal and the girl was suspended.There were other two guys who had encouraged her they were also suspended .My school mentioned the incident on notice board.And apparently I saw that girl on the platform after a long time.and all the memories came back to my

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    #4

    Re: Please correct this

    I adjacent the railway station

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