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    #1

    please correct this sentence.

    Hello,

    Please correct this sentence.

    Precious moments are even more precious when they exsist only in your memory and not when they are recorded on your /the/- tape.
    Can I say rather than being recorded/having been recorded or
    or rather than they were recorded.

    Thank you.

  1. #2

    Re: please correct this sentence.

    I think you don't need any new clause.

    Precious moments are even more precious when they are kept only in your memory not on any recordings.

    By the way, I'm not a teacher.:)

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: please correct this sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by sondra View Post
    Hello,

    Please correct this sentence.

    Precious moments are even more precious when they exist only in your memory and not when they are recorded on your /the/- tape.
    Can I say rather than being recorded/having been recorded or
    or rather than they were recorded.

    Thank you.
    Yes, you can, and you should.

    "Precious moments are even more precious when they exist in your memory rather than simply being recorded on tape."

  3. Raymott's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: please correct this sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by Majeste View Post
    I think you don't need any new clause.

    Precious moments are even more precious when they are kept only in your memory, not on any recordings.

    By the way, I'm not a teacher.:)
    This is a good sentence. It's correct for the original sentence but it doesn't mean what sondra wants to express with "rather than".

    The possible concepts are:
    memory (with or without tape) > tape only
    memory only > tape only
    memory only > memory and tape


    • Join Date: Jun 2010
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    #5

    Re: please correct this sentence.

    Precious moments are even more precious when they exsist only in your memory and not when they are recorded on your /the/- tape.
    Can I say rather than being recorded/having been recorded or
    or rather than they were recorded.
    There are several variations, but I'll list two:

    1. Precious moments are made more precious when they exist in our memories. "Our" is optional.

    2. Moments are precious when they exist in our memories and not on tape.

    If you want to make your sentence lengthy, then try this:

    1. Precious moments that exist on tape are not as precious as those in our memories.

    I hope this helps!

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