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    • Join Date: Jun 2010
    • Posts: 7
    #1

    My first artical, Pls give some advice.

    Hey friends,

    I am starting to sudy my second language which is English.
    Herein below is a short artical I just finished. Could you give some advice on it? My heart is strong, be strict.
    Thank you very much.


    In some people's opinion, they should keep all the money they earn instead of paying a part as tax to the country. However, to my mind, it's inevitable that every able-bodied one pays tax to the state.
    It's certain that no one would like to live in a place which is full of violence, robbery, disorder, etc. To provide an environment which is peaceful as people ask, the government require to invest a considerable amount of money to build related ministries and stuff, such as police, court, vehicle, even traffic lights. Apparently each in the nation should pay for all of these since the country cannot earn money itself.
    Surely we are aging. The day we cannot supply ourselves will eventually arrive. One of the function of the tax is taking charge of the supplement for the old. Similarly as autonomous human beings, we have basic rights to have health-care, education. There is no doubt that such consumption play a main roll in government budget.
    On the other hands, who can promise us that all the tax we paid have been spent to the suitable aspects which are in accordance with people’s profit? Ourselves, of cause. We employ staff whose function is to build a better life for us. Once it is found that anyone is out of duty, we fire him or her and recruit a new one. Certainly, it is not a free process. To the country, the amount on vote is always enormous.
    As a primary earn for a country, tax is to our life what water is to fish. As a member of society, paying tax is one’s responsibility which should be restricted. Of cause, there should be exception to poverty who cannot afford themselves.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,805
    #2

    Re: My first artical, Pls give some advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by shirebest View Post
    Hey friends,

    I am starting have (recently) started to study my second language, which is English.
    Herein Below is a short artical article I just finished. Could you give me some advice on it? My heart is strong, be strict.
    Thank you very much.


    In some people's opinion, they should keep all the money they earn instead of paying a part of it as in tax (to the country government). However, to my mind, it's inevitable that every able-bodied one everyone who earns an income should pay tax to the state.

    It's I'm certain (or sure) that no-one would like wants to live in a place which is full of violence, robbery, disorder, etc. To provide an environment which is as peaceful as people ask demand, the government require has to invest a considerable amount of money to build related ministries and stuff, in things like such as the police, courts, vehicle (I don't know what you mean here - the government invests in vehicles?), even traffic lights.

    Apparently (I think you may mean obviously) each person in the nation country should help to pay for all of these, since the country cannot earn money itself.

    Surely We are aging. The day we cannot supply support ourselves will eventually arrive. One of the functions of the tax is to taking charge of the supplement for the old pay for the pensions and care of the elderly. Similarly, as autonomous independent human beings, we have basic rights to have healthcare (all one word) and education. There is no doubt that such consumption plays a main major roll role in a government's budget.

    On the other hands hand, who can promise us that all the tax we paid pay have been will be spent to on the suitable aspects which are in accordance with people’s profit areas which will benefit the people? Ourselves, of cause We can, of course. We employ staff whose function is to build a better life for us. Once it is found that anyone is out of duty, not fulfilling their duties, we fire him or her them and recruit a new one replacement. Certainly, it This is certainly not a free (or cheap?) process. To the country, the amount on vote is always enormous (I don't know what you mean by this sentence. Did you mean "On the contrary" at the beginning? And "the amount on vote?" Please explain).

    As a the primary earn source of income for a country, tax is as vital to our life what as water is to fish. As a member of society, paying tax is one’s responsibility which should be restricted (do you mean that it should be enforced?). Of cause course, there should be exceptions, for example, the poor who cannot afford to pay. to poverty who cannot afford themselves.
    Please see above. My actual amendments are in red, and my queries and suggested changes are in blue.


    • Join Date: Jun 2010
    • Posts: 7
    #3

    Re: My first artical, Pls give some advice.

    Dear Friend, I appreciate so much for your suggestion and modification.
    Here are some explaination of confusion.

    In some people's opinion, they should keep all the money they earn instead of paying a part of it as in tax (to the country government). However, to my mind, it's inevitable that every able-bodied one everyone who earns an income should pay tax to the state.

    It's I'm certain (or sure) that no-one would like wants to live in a place which is full of violence, robbery, disorder, etc. To provide an environment which is as peaceful as people ask demand, the government require has to invest a considerable amount of money to build related ministries and stuff, in things like such as the police, courts, vehicle (I don't know what you mean here - the government invests in vehicles?)(I want to express the meaning that the governent need to buy means of transportation, for example, police car. Would you please show me an accruate way to express), even traffic lights.

    Apparently (I think you may mean obviously) (Yes, I meant obviously, can "Apparently" used here)each person in the nation country should help to pay for all of these, since the country cannot earn money itself.

    Surely We are aging. The day we cannot supply support ourselves will eventually arrive. One of the functions of the tax is to taking charge of the supplement for the old pay for the pensions and care of the elderly. Similarly, as autonomous independent human beings, we have basic rights to have healthcare (all one word) and education. There is no doubt that such consumption plays a main major roll role in a government's budget.

    On the other hands hand, who can promise us that all the tax we paid pay have been will be spent to on the suitable aspects which are in accordance with people’s profit areas which will benefit the people? Ourselves, of cause We can, of course. We employ staff whose function is to build a better life for us. Once it is found that anyone is out of duty, not fulfilling their duties, we fire him or her them and recruit a new one replacement. Certainly, it This is certainly not a free (or cheap?) (Thank you for the suggestion, cheap is much better)process. To the country, the amount on vote is always enormous (I don't know what you mean by this sentence. Did you mean "On the contrary" at the beginning? And "the amount on vote?" Please explain).(Sorry, it is a spelling mistake. I thought to us "to the contray", can this phase be used in front of a sentenc?)

    As a the primary earn source of income for a country, tax is as vital to our life what as water is to fish. As a member of society, paying tax is one’s responsibility which should be restricted (do you mean that it should be enforced?)(Yes, I mean it should be enforced, can "restricted" be used here?). Of cause course, there should be exceptions, for example, the poor who cannot afford to pay. to poverty who cannot afford themselves.

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