SOP for admission in Ph. D. program in Mechanical Engineering at Canada

[totallamp]

Hi there!
Please take some time to go through my SOP. Your comments will be much appreciated.
What do you think about the 1st paragraph? Does it look right to mention it in the SOP? Also, should I sign at the bottom before sending it?

Thanks in advance!!!!



STATEMENT OF PURPOSE


A bus journey on a dusty road through the country side was abruptly halted with a sound of the dying engine. With worrisome face, my father asked the driver about the reason for stopping. "Engine's dead", the driver shot back. I shook my father's arm and asked him: "What is an engine & why is it dead?" My father thought for a few seconds before responding to his 5 year old son. "Engine is like a heart of the bus and when a bus gets very old, the engine dies" he said. I felt sad for the bus. Another bus was summoned and we traveled on. But that seemingly trivial incidence marked the start of a torrent of questions that would keep me preoccupied for next many days. And then one fine day I declared to my father, "I want to be a doctor of engines". "Sure" he said with a smile.

Since that early encounter, I was intrigued by the wonders of engineering and technology. Being brought up in a developing country like XXX, I have seen how technology impacts every ones life. And after realizing the unfolding challenges and opportunities that the field of engineering has to offer, that I decided to make my career in it.

After securing impressive scores in my high school studies I got selected in one of the XXXs, some of the most prestigious and sought after engineering schools in the country. The undergraduate curriculum in Mechanical Engineering at XXX, gave me a comprehensive exposure to various core areas. I found the courses like Machine Design, Strength of Materials, and CAD very absorbing. But it was the field of CAE (Computer Aided Engineering) which particularly captured my interest. The desire to delve deeper into this subject persuaded me to take an elective course in Finite Element Methods. That introductory exposure confirmed my strong interest in the field of CAE.

To further my studies, I decided to go to the XXX for Masters. While studying various advanced subjects of mechanical engineering, I was being offered both depth and breadth across the vast field of CAE, I realized the importance and relevance of CAE in tackling the real world challenges of engineering. Apart from my studies at XXX, my research work with Dr. XXX gave me a first hand experience of how to implement fundamentals and how to perceive the balance between theory and practice to deal with research projects from start to finish.

During my Masters, as a part of the study of gossamer structures, I had done a study of spider-web in order to incorporate its geometry into Solar Sails. That study had shown me how fundamental designs found in nature can be used to inspire the design of advanced man-made structures. That is when I realized the power of biomimicry and the prospects it holds in research and development. In addition to my research work at graduate level, my professional experience with sandwich structures for more than two years make Composites or Biomimetics ideal fields for my advance research in material science.

After carefully looking at the work that is being done at the XXX Laboratory, I believe that working under Dr. XXX will help me acquire the versatility needed to reach my full potential as a researcher. I am confident that with my knowledge and experience in reaching analytical as well as numerical solutions to the complicated problems of engineering will boost the already capable team of researchers at the XXX Laboratory.

During doctoral studies, I plan to exploit the traits that I have acquired over the years to an extent where I could become an international-level researcher with highly specialized knowledge and expertise in my research area.

It would, therefore, be a privilege to be able to secure admission to pursue graduate studies at the XXX. I am confident that I will match the high standards set by your university. I am sure if I am given the opportunity to study at your university that attracts some of the best students from all over the world, it will provide an environment competitive enough to bring out the best in me. I am confident that my requisite background, intellectual ability and high level of personal motivation will help me strive for the goals that I have set for my career.

I would like to thank you for taking time to read this essay and I look forward to hearing a positive reply on my application.

Thank you!

 

[tedtmc]

I've picked up a few more points to be tidied up.

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE


A bus journey on a dusty road through the countryside was abruptly halted with a sound of the dying engine. With a worrisome face, my father asked the driver about the reason for stopping. "The engine's dead", the driver shot back. I shook my father's arm and asked him: "What is an engine & why is it dead?" My father thought for a few seconds before responding to his 5 five year old son. "The engine is like a heart of the bus and when a bus gets very old, the engine dies" he said. I felt sad for the bus. Another bus was summoned and we traveled on. But that seemingly trivial incident marked the start of a torrent of questions that would keep me preoccupied for next many days. And then one fine day, I declared to my father, "I want to be a doctor of engines". "Sure" he said with a smile.

Since that early encounter, I was intrigued by the wonders of engineering and technology. Being brought up in a developing country like XXX, I have seen how technology impacts everyone's life. And after realizing the unfolding challenges and opportunities that the field of engineering has to offer(,) that I decided to make my career in it.

After securing impressive scores in my high school studies I got selected in one of the XXXs, some of the most prestigious and sought-after engineering schools in the country. The undergraduate curriculum in Mechanical Engineering at XXX, gave me a comprehensive exposure to various core areas. I found the courses like Machine Design, Strength of Materials, and CAD very absorbing. But it was the field of CAE (Computer Aided Engineering) which particularly captured my interest. The desire to delve deeper into this subject persuaded (desire persuaded? prompted, spurred) me to take an elective course in Finite Element Methods. That introductory exposure confirmed my strong interest in the field of CAE.

To further my studies, I decided to go to the XXX for my Masters. While studying various advanced subjects of mechanical engineering I was being offered both depth and breadth (phrase not clear, needs to be reworded)across the vast field of CAE. I realized the importance and relevance of CAE in tackling the real world challenges of engineering. Apart from my studies at XXX, my research work with Dr. XXX gave me a first hand(firsthand or first-hand) experience of how to implement fundamentals and how to perceive the balance between theory and practice to deal with research projects from start to finish.

During my Masters, as a part of the study of gossamer structures, I had done did a study of [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] the spider-web in order to incorporate its geometry into solar sails. That study had shown me how fundamental designs found in nature can be used to inspire the design of advanced man-made structures. That is when I realized the power of biomimicry and the prospects it holds in research and development. In addition to my research work at the graduate level, my more than two years of professional experience with sandwich structures for more than two years make Composites or Biomimetics ideal fields for my advanced research in material science.

After carefully looking at the work that is being done at the XXX Laboratory, I believe that working under Dr. XXX will help me acquire the versatility needed to reach my full potential as a researcher. I am confident that [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] my knowledge and experience in reaching analytical, as well as numerical solutions, to the complicated problems of engineering will boost the already capable team of researchers at the XXX Laboratory.

During doctoral studies, I plan to exploit the traits that I have acquired over the years to an extent where I could can become an international-level researcher with highly specialized knowledge and expertise in my research area.

It would, therefore, be a privilege to be able to secure admission to pursue graduate studies at the XXX. I am confident that I will match the high standards set by your university. I am sure that if I am given the opportunity to study at your university, that which attracts some of the best students from all over the world, it will provide an environment competitive enough to bring out the best in me. I am confident that my requisite(?sound?) background, intellectual ability and high level of personal motivation will help me strive for the goals that I have set for my career.
(To strive is to try. You are striving now, I believe that you want to achieve, not strive.)
I would like to thank you for taking time to read this essay and I look forward to hearing a positive reply on my application.

I agree it is a well written statement.

 

[tedtmc]

I never change what is inside quotes. Right or wrong, a quotation reflects what has been said.

It depends. In this case, the quotes could not have been the exact words that were said since English is not the native language of the writer.