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  1. #1
    ahme200 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Kuwait
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    please, check this paragraph

    please, check these lines and give me better words and experssions
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  2. #2
    casablanca_30391 is offline Junior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam
    Join Date
    Dec 2009

    Re: please, check this paragraph

    My dear,
    Well, I think that the usage of "everyone" is not appropriate because it means " all people" while you may want to express "some people". Therefore, I think it should be " most of us"
    Remember, u have to use " participate in", not only participate
    Our goal was to prepare a lesson that includes the four skills of English and present it to our classmates.
    This sentence should be " Our task was to prepare a lesson including the four English skills then present it before whole class"
    Remember! When u write an essay, u should avoid run-on mistake. Your writing should be concise Hence, u can shorten by using "including" instead of " that includes"
    So, we sat together and put a plan showing everyone's role
    Don't use "so" at the beginning of the sentence. You can replace by " therefore or hence". " And" may be "to"
    "Advice" is a uncountable noun. You should write " a piece of advice".
    What distinguished our team that was every member.You should omit "that".
    one skill of English -> a particular English skill.
    listening to English.-> listening skill
    Well, u said that every member of your team was good at on skill of English but why u mentioned only speaking, listening, grammar. What about reading and writing?
    any of other groups->of is unnecessary, i think so!

    through asking them-> What is the function of "them"?
    to finish it -> "it" is unnecessary

    She admired the presentation -> Can u find another expression? " Admire" sound not good because she is your teacher
    Well, if I have time, i may read your writing more carefully. I hope my knowledge can support u

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