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  1. #1
    wang.cupid is offline Junior Member
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    What do you think of the paragraph?

    This is a part of my essay, what do you think and if possible, could you please find out possible grammatic errors? Thanks. I'm going to take an IELTS test this weekend.
    --

    Some people firmly believe that adhering to the cultures of the local communities contributes positively to these visitors and local residents. The most evident reason has to do with the tension between these two groups. According to some reports, the relationship between them are getting worse and worse owing to the fact tourists do not perform as decently as what local people think. Further research reveals that this should be attributed to that visitors are not familiar with local culture and take for granted that these cultures should be the same as theirs. As a result, by following the local customs and behavior, the alienation will be significantly alleviated.

  2. #2
    Atchan is offline Key Member
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    Re: What do you think of the paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by wang.cupid View Post
    I'm going to take an IELTS test this weekend.
    I hope others check your essay...

    Good luck!
    Last edited by Atchan; 13-Jul-2010 at 03:11.

  3. #3
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Re: What do you think of the paragraph?

    Some suggestions.

    Some people firmly believe that adhering to the cultures of the local communities contributes positively to these visitors (I assume you have previously identified "these visitors" in some way.) and local residents. The most evident reason has to do with the tension between these two groups. According to some reports, the relationship between them areis getting worse and worse, owing to the fact that tourists do not perform as decently as what local people think. Further research reveals that this is attributed to the fact that visitors are not familiar with local culture. andThey take for granted that these cultures should be the same as theirs. As a result, by following the local customs and behavior, the alienation will be significantly alleviated.
    Last edited by billmcd; 13-Jul-2010 at 01:11. Reason: typo

  4. #4
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Re: What do you think of the paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by billmcd View Post
    Some suggestions.

    Some people firmly believe that adhering to the cultures of the local communities contributes positively to these visitors (I assume you have previously identified "these visitors" in some way.) and local residents. The most evident reason has to do with the tension between these two groups. According to some reports, the relationship between them areis getting worse and worse, owing to the fact that tourists do not perform behave as decently as what local people think. Further research reveals that this is attributed to the fact that visitors are not familiar with local culture. andThey take for granted that these cultures should be the same as theirs. As a result, by following the local customs and behavior, the alienation will be significantly alleviated reduced.
    I suggest the two words to be changed (in blue).

    not a teacher

  5. #5
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Re: What do you think of the paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by tedtmc View Post
    I suggest the two words to be changed (in blue).

    not a teacher
    Tedtmc: Nice alternatives.

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