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    #1

    1) Successful - 2) Look

    I prepared a group of Arabic lessons so I will translate once every day and I will not annoy you by writing more than one lesson.

    For me, the benefit of writing English is to know where the mistakes exist so I hope that you show me the mistakes.



    1) Successful

    Thanks to our God, we strived and succeeded. We succeeded from the first class to the second. We are successful. We are in the second class, study, strive, do my homeworks, obey the teachers and strive a lot to succeed every year, in the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth year. God willing, God willing.

    2) Look

    This is a rabbit and this is a chicken and this is a pigeon. The rabbit is eating a grass and the chicken is picking up cereals and the pigeon is drinking some water. I love chickens, pigeons and rabbits and I put for them some food and water in the afternoon and evening.
    Last edited by Atchan; 19-Jul-2010 at 19:50.

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    #2

    Re: 1) Successful - 2) Look

    Not a teacher.

    We are in the second class, study, strive, do my homeworks, obey the teachers and strive a lot to succeed every year, in the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth year.
    This is a classic example of what is called a "run-on sentence." It keeps on going and going without a proper ending. In general in English, each sentence should convey one idea, one thought.

    "We are in the second class. Study. Strive. Do YOUR homework [not plural]. Obey your teachers. "

    It is better to have more, short sentences than to run-on. Then as you learn, you can start to use conjunctions. You continue:

    "and strive a lot to succeed every year in the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth year."

    You already used "strive." Don't say it twice. Maybe eliminate it the first time, and here say "strive both now and every year." No need to count all of the years until you have a better mastery of when to poetically emphasize a point like this.

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    #3

    Re: 1) Successful - 2) Look

    Quote Originally Posted by SoothingDave View Post
    Not a teacher.



    This is a classic example of what is called a "run-on sentence." It keeps on going and going without a proper ending. In general in English, each sentence should convey one idea, one thought.

    "We are in the second class. Study. Strive. Do YOUR homework [not plural]. Obey your teachers. "

    It is better to have more, short sentences than to run-on. Then as you learn, you can start to use conjunctions. You continue:

    "and strive a lot to succeed every year in the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth year."

    You already used "strive." Don't say it twice. Maybe eliminate it the first time, and here say "strive both now and every year." No need to count all of the years until you have a better mastery of when to poetically emphasize a point like this.
    Thank you very much with your advice. But can you modify them, I mean cross out what is wrong and put nice words just like the teachers.

    I will add your advice to my list of good advice.

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    #4

    Re: 1) Successful - 2) Look

    I updated it again so I hope this will be fine. I got only some advice so please check it carefully just like teachers do.

    1) Successful

    Thanks to our God, we strived and succeeded from the first class to the second. We are successful. We are in the second class, study, strive, do our homeworks and obey the teachers. We strive a lot to succeed every year, in the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth year. God willing, God willing.


    2) Look

    This is a rabbit, a chicken and a pigeon. The rabbit is eating a grass while the chicken is picking up cereals and the pigeon is drinking some water. I love chickens, pigeons and rabbits. I put for them some food and water in the afternoon and evening.
    Last edited by Atchan; 19-Jul-2010 at 23:49.

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    #5

    Re: 1) Successful - 2) Look

    Guys!
    Last edited by Atchan; 20-Jul-2010 at 22:50.

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    #6

    Re: 1) Successful - 2) Look

    Quote Originally Posted by Gillnetter View Post
    Try to write shorter sentences. It is acceptable to stop (.) and start a new sentence.
    Thank you very much, teacher

    I want you to help me for checking or amendment of my writing stories.

    I waited of checking for two days and I wondered why most members ignored it. The story is so small and isn’t annoying anyone. If anyone checked it that would be enough but unfortunately no one except SoothingDave who gave me some advice.

    By the way, I came this forum to write English (Stories and Sentences) and to know where the mistakes exist. Not to ask about English grammar because I have a lot of them.

    At the end I want to thank you again.

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