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    #1

    Far around the horizon that some light of fisher-boat formed [B]some small moving dot

    I wrote this line:
    "Far around the horizon that some light of fisher-boat formed some small moving dots is a real beauty to behold"

    Is this sentence good?

    How well can the bold part be rewritten?

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Far around the horizon that some light of fisher-boat formed [B]some small moving

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Cruge View Post
    I wrote this line:
    "Far around the horizon that some light of fisher-boat formed some small moving dots is a real beauty to behold"

    Is this sentence good?

    How well can the bold part be rewritten?
    I'm not really sure what the whole sentence means:

    1) Far around the horizon? Horizon is long and flat, so something isn't usually around it. Is the horizon far away?

    2) Were the lights or the boats making the small dots?

    3) Your sentence ends "...is a real beauty to behold." What is? The boats? The lights? The horizon?

    My suggested version would be:

    The tiny moving dots, made by the lights of the fishing boats on the horizon, were a beautiful sight.

    ...but I'm not sure it's what you mean!

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