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    • Join Date: Jul 2010
    • Posts: 2
    #1

    Post proposal letter--please proofread

    Proofreading help necessary!!! Thanks so much.



    Dolly Patt
    13659 Detroit Street
    Thornton, Colorado 80602
    July 20, 2010





    Mr. Joe Garcia
    Principal/Member
    4 Seasons Management Group, LLC
    9101 Pearl Street, Suite 104
    Thornton, CO 80229

    Dear Mr. Garcia:

    I am a certified playground safety inspector certified by the National Recreation and Park Association Safety Institute. I have been an inspector for the city of Denver for twenty years. I am also a member of the Cherrywood Park Homeowners Association (HOA). I would like to thank you for the wonderful neighborhood park that you have proposed to build for our children in the Cherrywood Park subdivision. According to the playground plans, there is a sandbox in the middle of the playground. I would like to propose that a covered sandbox with a drainage system filled with natural sand be installed and placed away from the moving equipment at the playground to ensure the safety of our children.

    Background

    Many of the other subdivisions in the area have all uncovered sandboxes without a drainage system. This has lead problems with bad odor on the playground and water filled sandboxes due to rain, and while children like to mix water and sand to play.

    Contamination by animal feces is another problem with uncovered sandboxes. Contaminated sand can spread diseases such as ringworm or bacterial infections. Due to this contamination, the sand cannot be cleaned or sterilized; it must be replaced. This is another expense for the Home Owners Association.

    Till now, the sand used and replace in the sandboxes, every six months, contains rocks, chunks and other materials. The danger with this kind of sand is that these materials can be made of or covered with asbestos which is known to be cancer causing.

    The other subdivision playgrounds have the sandbox in the middle of the playground like the planned playground for Cherrywood subdivision. The placement of the sandbox near moving equipment has caused children to get into accidents with equipment and/or with other children. Some children have been injured due to the close vicinity of the swings and slides.

    Due to many of these hazardous reasons, the playgrounds are not frequented by many children any longer. Many parents have made frequent complaints because they are concerned about health problems and safety issues at the playground.

    Proposed Solution

    I propose a covered sandbox with a drainage system be used for the Cherrywood subdivision playground in order to avoid bad odor and water filling in the sand. This sandbox should be filled with natural sand to avoid any hazardous chemicals. Finally, I propose the placement of the sandbox should be at the far end of the playground away from any moving equipment to hinder accidents.

    Benefits

    With my solution, neighborhood children and their parents will come more often to enjoy the playground. It will be cost effective in the long run while the sand will only need to be replaced every two years. It will also be more enjoyable for the children, and there will be fewer complaints over health and safety issues by the parents. There will also be fewer accidents because the placed sandbox will be away from moving equipment. If the changes below are followed all these benefits can be possible.

    Install a covered sandbox
    Use a drainage system in the sandbox
    Place the sandbox away from moving equipment
    Use natural sand in the sandbox

    Installing an upgraded sandbox will cost the Home Owners Association more in the beginning, but with it will come with many benefits. Many neighborhood children will be able to enjoy a clean and fun playground.

    Conclusion

    When a covered sandbox with a drainage system is placed away from moving equipment at the playground there will be fewer safety and health issues. If a sandbox, such as the one explained above, is used at the playground then there will be fewer complaints by parents and more happy children. I would be more than willing to discuss this with you and if you have any question please contact me at 303- 886-5656.


    Sincerely,



    Dolly Patt

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England

    • Join Date: Jun 2010
    • Posts: 24,462
    #2

    Re: proposal letter--please proofread

    This is excellent, Dolly.

    The only sentence I would rephrase is this one:

    Finally, I propose the placement of the sandbox should be at the far end of the playground away from any moving equipment to hinder accidents.
    I suggest 'Finally, I propose moving the sandbox to the far end of the playground away from any moving equipment to reduce the risk of accidents.'

    Rover
    x


    • Join Date: Jul 2010
    • Posts: 2
    #3

    Re: proposal letter--please proofread

    Thanks soo much.

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