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    #1

    Correct my text plz.

    I have written the following peice of text. Let me know in case I have made mistakes.

    I can clearly remember (a/one) freezing night. I was looking at the clock , coz I knew a few ours (were/ had been) left (to/till) the crack of dawn.The howlings of (the) wolves could be heard (from/within) the heart of the mountain. Once I opened the door, the (cries/howlings) of blizzard had me close it again. I cleaned the steam off the the only window of our small room, but I couldn't see anything (through/in) the darkness except for a (feeble/ faint/dim) stream of light (flickering / twinkiling /glittering / shimmering) from the distant.

    Thanks in advance.

  1. chester_100's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Correct my text plz.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathan Mckane View Post
    I have written the following peice of text. Let me know in case I have made mistakes.

    I can clearly remember (a/one) freezing night.-I prefer one. Good for storytelling.
    I was looking at the clock, because I knew a few hours (were/ had been) left (to/till) the crack of dawn.
    -...I knew it was only a few hours (remaining) till dawn.

    The howling of the wolves could be heard (from/within) the heart of the mountain . Once I opened the door, the cries/howling of the blizzard made me close it again.
    -heart of the mountain: this is a body-organ-as-place Persian metaphor. The reader would understand it (because we have the metaphor in English too), but to be more certain:
    -The howling of the wolves could be heard from the very centre of the mountain.


    I cleaned the steam off the only window of our small room, but I couldn't see anything through/in [I would use through] the darkness except for a faint/dim stream of light flickering / twinkling /glittering / shimmering from a distance/ from afar.

    Thanks in advance.
    c

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    #3

    Re: Correct my text plz.

    Thanks very much for the answer.

    I wish there could be some native-speakers of English commenting, too.

  2. chester_100's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Correct my text plz.

    It's possible to write:
    There were only a few hours left till dawn.

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    #5

    Re: Correct my text plz.

    Do these all convey the same meaning in my text above?

    flickering / twinkiling /glittering / shimmering

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    #6

    Re: Correct my text plz.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathan Mckane View Post
    I have written the following piece of text. Let me know if I have made any mistakes.

    I can clearly remember one freezing night. I was looking at the clock, because I knew a few hours were left till the crack of dawn. The howlings of (the) wolves could be heard from the foothills of the mountain. Once I opened the door, the ragingblizzard made me close it again quickly. I cleaned the mist off the the only window of our small room, but I couldn't see anything in the darkness except for a faint gleam of light twinkling in the distance.

    Thanks in advance.
    Rover

  3. chester_100's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Correct my text plz.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathan Mckane View Post
    Do these all convey the same meaning in my text above?

    flickering / twinkiling /glittering / shimmering

    Since it's a descriptive paragraph, the type of visual image created by the writer is influenced by his point of view.
    Glitter carries a sense of brightness; maybe in a reflected or flashy way. Brightness may not be so distinguishable in a stormy night. Flicker could be used, but it's usually used for candles, flames and etc.
    Twinkle and shimmer can work here. They're good for natural things: light, star, moonlight.

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