Student or Learner
here is the origanal version:
The twenties were the years when drinking was against the law, and the law was a bad joke because everyone knew of a local bar where liquor could be had. They were the years when organized crime ruled the cities, and the police seemed powerless to do anything against it. Classical music was forgotten while jazz spread throughout the land, and men like Bix Beiderbecke, Louis Armstrong, and Count Basie became the heroes of the young. The flapper was born in the twenties, and with her bobbed hair and short skirts, she symbolized, perhaps more than anyone or anything else, America's break with the past. From Kathleen Yancey, English 102 Supplemental Guide (1989): 2
Here is my version:
The twenties is a new age to America. It is due to many factors. Drinking was illegal. To places secretly selling liquor, the drinking law was less viable. The organized crime dominated the cities because of the police’s attempts obviously unsuccessful. The youth were the fans of the Jazz singers. The popular music now was the Jazz, and the classical music was at least not the popular taste. Perhaps more important than the flapper’s birth year, their hair style and their fashion style was that American said farewell to its past. It begins a new age. This point is represented by Kathleen Yancey.
Would you be kind enough to revise my paraphrasing of the words,word combinations and the meaning? Also, would you be kind enough to underline those errors?
Last edited by sayla; 01-Aug-2010 at 18:08.