Results 1 to 5 of 5
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Amharic
      • Home Country:
      • Ethiopia
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 36
    #1

    Please help me to improve my writing. This is not home work. I am practicing response

    t
    Last edited by Tes; 03-Aug-2010 at 21:50.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England

    • Join Date: Jul 2010
    • Posts: 283
    #2

    Re: Please help me to improve my writing. This is not home work. I am practicing resp

    Quote Originally Posted by Tes View Post
    In the article " Daddy Tucked the Blanket " by Randall Williams explains that the severity of his childhood poverty and the way it affected him.

    William lived like hell because of poorness when he was growing up. He lived in the old house, where he had many people in his family sleeping in one room. The house wasn't clean, and there was no air conditioner and heater. Usually, he woke up every morning and a half plaster on his face where it had fallen out the ceiling during the night. Moreover, williams parents were divorced wile they loved their children. He was Ashamed of where he was lived.

    But my living condition was different from author condition. For example, I lived in a big house and many rooms were there for each members. My parents were financially independent and stable. My parents were caring nature for me and they still living together with love.
    Not a teacher only a native.

    I would make the following changes, please note I'm not a teacher.

    The article " Daddy Tucked the Blanket " by Randall Williams explains how the severity of his childhood poverty affected him.

    William grew up in hellish conditions because of the poverty he and his family endured. He lived in an old house, where many of his family slept in the same room. The house wasn't clean and there was no air conditioning or heating. Usually, he woke up every morning and found plaster on his face, from where it had fallen out the ceiling during the night. Although they still loved their children, William's parents were divorced. William was ashamed of where he lived.

    Thankfully, my living conditions were different from the authors. For example, I lived in a big house, where my family all had individual bedrooms. My parents were financially independent and stable. Also my parents had a caring nature, were still living together and deeply in love.

    Like I said I'm not a teacher but this reads better to me anyway.

    Hope this helps, if you need anything feel free to ask.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Amharic
      • Home Country:
      • Ethiopia
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 36
    #3

    Re: Please help me to improve my writing. This is not home work. I am practicing resp

    Than you so much for your help

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Amharic
      • Home Country:
      • Ethiopia
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Oct 2009
    • Posts: 36
    #4

    Re: Please help me to improve my writing. This is not home work. I am practicing resp

    Thank you

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Malay
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2010
    • Posts: 33
    #5

    Re: Please help me to improve my writing. This is not home work. I am practicing resp

    Quote Originally Posted by shroob View Post
    Not a teacher only a native.

    Usually, he woke up every morning and found plaster on his face, from where it had fallen out the ceiling during the night.
    Can we also say "Usually, he would wake up every morning and find plaster........" If so, is the meaning still the same?

    Thank you.
    Last edited by SophiaM; 06-Aug-2010 at 03:27. Reason: typo

Similar Threads

  1. When I write a writing response...?
    By hugsandkisses in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 25-Sep-2008, 01:11
  2. [Grammar] go home - go "to" work / home - "at' work
    By robbin in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-Aug-2008, 00:25
  3. my home work
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 15-May-2008, 01:21

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •