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    #1

    15) The pigeon and the ant

    I think I put lots of commas and period dots in wrong places. please proofread this story
    15) The pigeon and the ant

    An ant fell in a water pool. After that a pigeon passed at it and felt a pity for it. It extended a wood for it, and then the ant went it up and got away for the death. In the next day, the pigeon was standing on a tree. A hunter having a gun approached it. The ant hurried and entered into his clothes. When he aimed his gun to the pigeon to shot it, the ant stung him then it shook from his hand and lost shooting the pigeon. So the ant saved from death. So who do a good would get his reward.

  1. Nightmare85's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: 15) The pigeon and the ant

    ***Neither a teacher nor a native speaker.***

    Quote Originally Posted by atchan View Post
    15) The pigeon and the ant

    An ant fell in a water pool. After that a pigeon passed at it and felt a bit sorry for it. It extended a wood for it and then the ant went it up and got away from death. In the next day(,) the pigeon was standing on a tree. A hunter having a gun approached to it. The ant hurried and entered into his/its clothes. When he aimed his gun at the pigeon to shoot it, the ant stung him and shook his hand with the result [that he lost the aim] or [to interrupt his aim]. So the ant was saved from death (too). So who does a good (thing) (will) gets his/their reward.
    Last sentences:
    If you use will, don't add the s.
    If you don't use the will, add the s in order to make it Simple Present.
    I think it would be good to add the too, because one life was already saved.
    All the rest things () are just options (in my opinion).
    You can use their in the last sentence in order to refer to male+female!
    (Everybody has their problems.)
    The red sentence needs a serious check as I have no further idea now.
    (I'm going to sleep now.)

    I hope some experts will check your post and my suggestions.

    By the way, I always enjoy reading your short stories

    Cheers!

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    #3

    Re: 15) The pigeon and the ant

    Thank you Nightmare. You really did a great job for me.
    Can anyone check this sentence, please.
    When he aimed his gun at the pigeon to shoot it, the ant stung him and shook his hand with the result [that he lost the aim] or [to interrupt his aim].
    Last edited by Atchan; 27-Aug-2010 at 18:24.

  2. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: 15) The pigeon and the ant

    Quote Originally Posted by atchan View Post
    15) The pigeon and the ant

    An ant fell in a pool of water, a pigeon passed by and felt pity for it. The pigeon extended a piece of wood for the ant, it went up the wood and escaped death. The next day the pigeon was standing on a tree. A hunter with a gun approached it. The ant hurried and entered into his clothes. When he aimed his gun at the pigeon to shoot it, the ant stung him, then his hand shook and he missed the pigeon, the ant had saved the pigeon from death. So who does good will get his reward.
    .

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    #5

    Re: 15) The pigeon and the ant

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    .
    Oh! very nice. Thank you very much, teacher.

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