***Neither a teacher nor a native speaker.***
If you use will, don't add the s.
If you don't use the will, add the s in order to make it Simple Present.
I think it would be good to add the too, because one life was already saved.
All the rest things () are just options (in my opinion).
You can use their in the last sentence in order to refer to male+female!
(Everybody has their problems.)
The red sentence needs a serious check as I have no further idea now.
(I'm going to sleep now.)
I hope some experts will check your post and my suggestions.
By the way, I always enjoy reading your short stories
Student or Learner