[Essay] IELTS writing task 2. Please correct my essay!

[mgn_v]

I would be very grateful to those who check and correct my essay.

"Young people are spending too much time on computers and this will lead to a decline in the health and physical fitness of youths across the world."
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Write at least 250 words.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In the world, most of the people are spending much time on computers. Young people are enjoying their time on computers and this will cause a health problem. People find everything on the Internet. I believe, young people should give the first priority to health.
There are a few disadvantages. Firstly, most of the people sitting in front of the computers can cause vision problem. When people concentrate more on the work or games, the body position will not changed. This will lead to spinal cord and back pain problem as well as vision problem. Young people should go for a walk often which can relax the body and brain. People should not sit continuously in the same position. People should change their position frequently which can relax the muscle. People should stare the monitor continuously. Frequently they have to change the focus to out of the monitor.
Secondly, brain needs rest for some time. Continuous work can lead to more stress on brain which affects the physical and mental fitness. This may lead to mental disorders also. Normally, human beings need minimum of eight hours sleep a day. To prevent the heart disease, young people should go for walk or jog or work out in the gym which can help them to stay fit. To prevent other diseases, people should aware of the negative effects.

To conclude, young people should not spend too much time on computers which will affect the physical and mental fitness. So, young people should concentrate on health to lead the better life.

 

[s.ismaeel]

Write an essay for an academic adviser on the following question:
What steps should a student take in preparing for tertiary education and what would be the benefit of taking such steps?
You should write at least 250 words.
You should use your own knowledge and experience and support your argument with examples.​

The student preparing for tertiary education studying step by step.

The chilled he started for study he should be following the steps of the education study. First, he starts with the preschool of the beginner from edge between 3 to 4 years. He will study home language and other different subject. Example, English, math, lessening of different animals and others.
The chilled will spend about three years at the preschool, in the third year he well study in the same books given in the school.

However, the chilled well shift to the primary school. So, the edge of the student it must be from 5 to 6 years to be beginner the primary school, in the first class beginner of the school he well completes the study by getting other subject and it's different from the preschool.
The student will finish the primary school of studying about six years of learning by moving from different class's intall finish the primary school.

On other hand, he will go to another school of education its call intermediate school, this school it is more difficult and different, he will find new subject and he will spend about three years of studying at intermediate school.

The student well choose the good secondary school related to the job secures well go through out of the study at school, example technical school, since school, commercial school and literary school. The student has to considerate and studies one of the types, Example when he chose technical school; the technical school is distributed at different section Example electrical section, electronics section, motor vehicle section, mechanical section and refrigerator.
The student he will choose the section after graduation well go to be training in different company and industry to be train and work.

So, after training at industry he well go to the university to higher study like bachelor degree or B.S.c. and the final get P.H.D certificate.

To conclude this steps the student go through is to show the type of studies at the life starting from chilled going through preschool an tall university and show the different subject and understand the other language from his studies at the different level he take it from the education.