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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 6
    #1

    check this paper, please

    My ideal job is within the civil service sector utilizing the knowledge and skills of my post-secondary education. Most civil service positions offer excellent employee benefits, a great pay rate, and pleasant working conditions. Upon college graduation, I will have the education required; therefore, the opportunity to interview for these positions. Many of such positions are within the pay range I desire, starting at $40,000 per year as initial salary. They also offer personal time off (PTO) and paid holidays, as these are important incentives to me. Accrued vacation time and health, vision, and dental insurance are offered to most civil service employees. All of these are fantastic benefits that I desire, and are typically approved by the company’s CEO.
    A CEO who believes that “knowledge is power” is a great asset to any company. This style of management normally promotes from within; illustrating the company’s belief in its employees. They foster hope for eager employees who wish to climb the corporate ladder. Annual company picnics, Christmas parties, holiday gift certificates, and holiday bonuses are just a few of the little things that truly make a big difference. It is a fact that happy employees are also more productive employees. All of these benefits would definitely motivate me to be the ideal employee!



    can you give me corrections, please? thanks teachers!!!

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Greece

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 143
    #2

    Re: check this paper, please

    Quote Originally Posted by cheesah View Post
    Many of such positions are within the pay range I desire,
    Should be "Many such positions".

    Quote Originally Posted by cheesah View Post
    illustrating the company’s belief in its employees. They foster hope for eager employees who wish
    "They" should refer to the last preceding noun. In this case it is "employees". So you have written: "illustrating the company’s belief in its employees. The employees foster hope for eager employees who wish.."

    It doesn't make sense so you should replace "They" with whatever you are referring to.

  2. Newbie
    Student or Learner

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 6
    #3

    Re: check this paper, please

    Thank you so much! Here is how I originally had the sentence - can I just change it back to this? Is this grammatically correct? Thanks again!!!

    This style of management normally promotes from within; illustrating the company’s confidence in its employees and fosters hope for eager employees who wish to climb the corporate ladder.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Greece

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    • Posts: 143
    #4

    Re: check this paper, please

    No, it should be the participle in both cases:
    "This style of management normally promotes from within; illustratING the company’s confidence in its employees and fosterING hope for eager employees who wish to climb the corporate ladder."

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 6
    #5

    Re: check this paper, please

    ah! yes! parallelism, right?!?!?

    THANK YOU !!!!

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Greece

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 143
    #6

    Re: check this paper, please

    Quote Originally Posted by cheesah View Post
    ah! yes! parallelism, right?!?!?
    Unfortunately, I don't know the technical terms. My mummy didn't teach me those.

  4. Senior Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Serbo-Croatian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina

    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #7

    Re: check this paper, please

    Quote Originally Posted by Koronas View Post
    Unfortunately, I don't know the technical terms. My mummy didn't teach me those.
    Is it correct to say "Mummy" instead of "My mummy"?

    Thank you

    • Member Info
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      • English
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      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Greece

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    • Posts: 143
    #8

    Re: check this paper, please

    It certainly is.

    The possessive pronoun is implied because I'm unlikely to be discussing someone else's Mummy.

  5. Newbie
    Student or Learner

    • Join Date: Sep 2010
    • Posts: 6
    #9

    Thumbs up Re: check this paper, please

    well, you really have your English down! I'm in college, so I'm re-learning it all again after being out of high school for 30 years! lol

    I'll have more papers in question for you to check for me, so I get good grades! LOL THANKS!!!!

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
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      • UK
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      • China

    • Join Date: Apr 2009
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    #10

    Re: check this paper, please

    Who is the CEO of the civil service??

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