This is the first four sentences of my essay:
In the wake of the global financial crisis, firms are struggling to stay afloat. Increasing firm value is the fundamental objective of most corporations. Many large conglomerates were formed in the 1960s and 1970s. Then, in the 1980s and 1990s, many conglomerates were dismantled or fell out of favor with the stock market. It appeared that the costs of diversification were greater than the benefits obtained.
Since this is my introduction, I think it needs to have more impact and use fewer "to be" verbs. However, I am not sure how. I would love to learn how to improve this part. Thank you so much!
In the wake of the global financial crisis, firms are struggling to stay afloat. Increasing firm value is the fundamental objective of most corporations. Many large conglomerates were formed in the 1960s and 1970s. Then, in the 1980s and 1990s, many conglomerates were dismantled or fell out of favor with the stock market. It appeared that the costs of diversification were greater than the benefits obtained.
Since this is my introduction, I think it needs to have more impact and use fewer "to be" verbs. However, I am not sure how. I would love to learn how to improve this part. Thank you so much!