[Essay] Semi-medical passages translations

[Macio]

Hello everyone,
I am Maciej, I am polish by origin. Last month I have passed TOEFL with 95 pts. I could have done better if I have prepared myself for the exam, but honestly I reviewed one sample test just two days before the test day. Anyway, I really like to write and I would like to improve my writing skills with your professional help. I got a voluntary job recently and my task is to translate short passages on medical topics into english. I am not responsible for the meritorical value of articles, just for the translations. I would be delighted if you can help me with a piece of advice. I am really keen on learning proper english writing, including the syntax, idioms and collocations especially. I know I am making a lot of mistakes, the most with punctuation as in polish it's something completely different and I never received any professional feedback on it.

Please see the first passage I have translated:

Cleansing Mixture

Cleansing Mixture is not a drug as such as it does not cure any diseases alone whereas firstly prevents them, and secondly – develops conditions for the immune system so it can cure the existing illnesses itself. How is it possible? Well, as commonly known the cause of all diseases are toxins, above all those which invade the organism via the alimentary canal through the intestinal leakages – erosions, i.e. invisible to the bare eye, only visible under a microscope during histopathology lesion of intestinal epithelium. And this is the foremost task of the Cleansing Mixture – systematic erasing of the intestinal erosions.

In the process of recovering, and prophylactically, the organism needs lots of vitamins and mineral salts. However, also with the sufficient supply in food common shortages of these nutrients occur. The reason for that is the absorption blockage and the main cause for this are residual deposits of the pathological mucus remaining in the alimentary canal. And this is the second task of the Cleansing Mixture – systematic cleansing of the alimentary canal.

Basically, this is all which we expect from the Cleansing mixture. We should leave everything else up to the one who, being equipped with the knowledge gathered during millions of years of evolution in genetic code comprised in DNA knows the best: our own body.

It has nothing to do with marketing, so it should not sound like an add in any least bit. I appreciate any feedback. Please move this topic if I posted it in wrong section of the forum. I will answer all your questions asap.

 

[Raymott]

Cleansing Mixture

Cleansing Mixture is not a drug as such, as it does not cure any diseases by itself. What it does is, firstly, prevents them, and secondly, [STRIKE]develops[/STRIKE] optimizes conditions for the immune system so it can cure the existing illnesses itself. How is this possible? Well, as commonly known, the cause of [STRIKE]all [/STRIKE] many diseases [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] is toxins, above all, those which invade the organism via the alimentary canal through the intestinal [STRIKE]leakages – [/STRIKE] erosions,
(You can't say "The cause of all disease is X, mostly those diseases which...." X is either the cause of all disease, or it isn't. This is a logical point, not medical.)
i.e. defects invisible to the [STRIKE]bare[/STRIKE] naked eye, visible only under a microscope during histopathological examination. [STRIKE]y lesion of intestinal epithelium[/STRIKE]. And this is the foremost task of the Cleansing Mixture – the systematic erasing of the intestinal erosions.

In the process of recovering, and prophylactically, the organism needs lots of vitamins and mineral salts. However, also with the sufficient supply in food common shortages of these nutrients occur. The reason for that is the absorption blockage and the main cause for this are residual deposits of the pathological mucus remaining in the alimentary canal. And this is the second task of the Cleansing Mixture – systematic cleansing of the alimentary canal.

Basically, this is all which we expect from the Cleansing mixture. We should leave everything else up to the one who, being equipped with the knowledge gathered during millions of years of evolution in genetic code comprised in DNA knows the best: our own body.

This is absolute pseudo-scientific nonsense, and it's probably best left untranslated so only the Polish can be harmed by it.
Anyhow, I've given you a few suggestions about the English.

Oh, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Macio]

Thank you Raymott. I really appreciate your language remarks. As to scientific value, let's leave it aside - I do translate, no more.

As to first passage:
I have doubts as to word "optimizes". The meaning to convey is that the mixture creates / generates these conditions - maybe not from the scratch, but still.

Well, as commonly known, the cause of all many diseases are is toxins, above all, those which invade the organism via the alimentary canal through the intestinal leakages – erosions,
(You can't say "The cause of all disease is X, mostly those diseases which...." X is either the cause of all disease, or it isn't. This is a logical point, not medical.)

The words "above all, those which..." refer to "toxins", and not to "diseases". Don't you think that this is clear enough?


Please, have a look at the passage no 2:

Ingredients of Cleansing Mixture
Cleansing mixture is made with three ingredients: absorption blocker (oil), erosions eraser (alocit – an aqueous solution with aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract), and residual deposits solvent (lemon juice). Each ingredient has a specific task to fulfill:
1. Oil easily associates with the mucus that covers the mucous membrane, so it blocks the absorption of remaining ingredients for about 30 mins starting just from the upper parts of the alimentary canal. This way it enables them to reach the large intestine.
2. Oil does not associate with water so it does not cover the watery erosions but exposes them to the healing effect of alocit.
3. Alocit is an aqueous solution of one of two agents known for theirs uncommon healing properties – aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract, so it serves here to heal the erosions that exist in the mucous membrane of the alimentary canal and prevents new ones being formed.
4. Lemon juice demonstrates perfect dissolving properties, therefore its task is to dissolve pathological mucus which covers the wall of small intestine, fecal stones in the large intestine and residues in the bile and pancreatic duct.
Preparation of the Cleansing Mixture
In the evening pour to the dark glass, porcelain or clay vessel in any order three ingredients:

10 ml of oil + 10 ml of alocit + 10 ml of lemon juice

Cover it and leave in the room temperature, e.g. on the windowsill or by the bed for your convenience. Drink in the morning on an empty stomach. Do not eat nor drink thereafter for at least 30 minutes and even better an hour - may be longer of course.

Thank you for your help!

 

[Raymott]

Thank you Raymott. I really appreciate your language remarks. As to scientific value, let's leave it aside - I do translate, no more.

As to first passage:
I have doubts as to word "optimizes". The meaning to convey is that the mixture creates / generates these conditions - maybe not from the scratch, but still.
Yes certainly, if the immune system is not capable of dealing with illness at all, then "creates" might be better. But you see, this is partly why I'm having trouble correcting this. The subject matter can't be completely left aside - I need to decide whether the sentence is meant to communicate a strange concept, or whether you've made a error in translation.

The words "above all, those which..." refer to "toxins", and not to "diseases". Don't you think that this is clear enough?
Ah, I see. Yes, you could leave it as it was.

Please, have a look at the passage no 2:

Thank you for your help!

Ingredients of Cleansing Mixture
Cleansing Mixture is made [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] from three ingredients: absorption blocker (oil), erosions eraser (alocit – an aqueous solution with aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract), and residual deposits solvent (lemon juice). Each ingredient has a specific task to fulfill:
1. Oil easily [STRIKE]associates[/STRIKE] mixes [?] with the mucus that covers the mucous membrane, so it blocks the absorption of the other two [STRIKE]remaining[/STRIKE] ingredients [STRIKE] starting just [/STRIKE] from the upper parts of the alimentary canal, until 30 minutes later when they reach the large intestine.
[The alimentary canal begins at the mouth]
2. Oil does not associate with water so it does not cover the watery erosions but exposes them to the healing effect of alocit.
[Mucus is mainly water. If the oil associates easily with mucus in 1, it should associate easily with water in 2] Maybe "associate" is not the right word.]
3. Alocit is an aqueous solution of one of two agents known for their uncommon healing properties – aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract, so it serves here to heal the erosions that exist in the mucous membrane of the alimentary canal and prevents new ones being formed.
4. Lemon juice demonstrates perfect dissolving properties, therefore its task is to dissolve pathological mucus which covers the wall of the small intestine, fecal stones in the large intestine and residues in the bile and pancreatic duct.

Preparation of the Cleansing Mixture
In the evening, pour the three ingredients into a dark glass, porcelain or clay vessel in any order:

10 ml of oil + 10 ml of alocit + 10 ml of lemon juice

Cover it and leave [STRIKE]in the[/STRIKE] at room temperature, e.g. on the windowsill or by the bed for your convenience. Drink it in the morning on an empty stomach. Do not eat or drink after that for at least 30 minutes and even better an hour - maybe longer of course.

 

[konungursvia]

Yes, you can't really call something as descriptive as "Cleansing Mixture" a proper noun, or even if you do, it still requires the article, like the Internet.

 

[Raymott]

Yes, you can't really call something as descriptive as "Cleansing Mixture" a proper noun, or even if you do, it still requires the article, like the Internet.

I was assuming that was the brand name - Cleansing Mixture™. If so, it needs Capital letters. If not, the brand name should go there.

 

[birdeen's call]

I was assuming that was the brand name - Cleansing Mixture™.

That'd be one catchy brand name... :shock:

 

[Macio]

And I stated in my first post:

It has nothing to do with marketing, so it should not sound like an add in any least bit.

Thank you for your answers, I will reply asap because I just came back from work and I am totally knacked. Going to sleep guys.

 

[konungursvia]

My late dad once joked the magazine he edited should be called "Interesting Journal."

 

[Raymott]

And I stated in my first post:



Thank you for your answers, I will reply asap because I just came back from work and I am totally knacked. Going to sleep guys.

If you're referring to it as a generic cleansing mixture, you should write "the cleansing mixture".

 

[Macio]

I wrote:
As to first passage:
I have doubts as to word "optimizes". The meaning to convey is that the mixture creates / generates these conditions - maybe not from the scratch, but still.
You wrote:
Yes certainly, if the immune system is not capable of dealing with illness at all, then "creates" might be better. But you see, this is partly why I'm having trouble correcting this. The subject matter can't be completely left aside - I need to decide whether the sentence is meant to communicate a strange concept, or whether you've made a error in translation.

I would use the word „generate” here after all. It is quite uncommon concept, because it is not profitable at all. Anyway I think that if you would stay so kind and keep helping me with further translations, you will get closer to the point and maybe you will be able to find a better word. Additional explanation is totally superfluous here as these passages themselves are meant to introduce the reader to the topic. Above all, I would be very happy if we wander from the point only insofar it is really necessary for you, otherwise it may end up with endless debate on non-linguistic topic which is far from the purpose of this forum, I guess. And complete mess and chaos would come along as it happens usually.


Passage 1:
I have taken your advice into consideration and the text finally looks like this:

Cleansing mixture
Cleansing mixture is not a drug as such as it does not cure any diseases by itself. What it does is, firstly, prevents them, and secondly, generates conditions for the immune system so it can cure the existing illnesses itself. How is this possible? Well, as commonly known the cause of all diseases are toxins, above all, those which invade the organism via the alimentary canal through the intestinal leakages – erosions, i.e. micro-lesions of intestinal epithelium invisible to the naked eye, visible only under a microscope during histopathological examination. And this is the foremost task of the Cleansing mixture – systematic erasing of the intestinal erosions.
In the process of recovering, and prophylactically, the organism needs lots of vitamins and mineral salts. However, also with the sufficient supply in food common shortages of these nutrients occur. The reason for that is the absorption blockage and the main cause for this are residual deposits of the pathological mucus remaining in the alimentary canal. And this is the second task of the Cleansing mixture – systematic cleansing of the alimentary canal.
Basically, this is all which we expect from the Cleansing mixture. We should leave everything else up to the one who being equipped with the knowledge gathered during millions of years of evolution in genetic code comprised in DNA, knows the best: our own body.

Passage 2:
Mucus consists mainly of fats dissolved in water thanks to fat compounds with protein. Please perform following experiment: drop few tears of oil into a glass with pure water, and few on your tongue. Yes, it's the same mucosa. See here picture of ready Cleansing Mixture with different oils: [link in next post - forum rules].
The final text looks like this:

Ingredients of Cleansing Mixture
Cleansing Mixture is made from three ingredients: absorption blocker (oil), erosions eraser (alocit – an aqueous solution with aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract), and residual deposits solvent (lemon juice). Each ingredient has a specific task to fulfill:
1. Oil easily joins with the mucus that covers the mucous membrane, so it blocks the absorption of of the other two ingredients from the upper parts of the alimentary canal, until 30 minutes when they reach the large intestine.
2. Oil does not associate with water so it does not cover the watery erosions but exposes them to the healing effect of alocit.
3. Alocit is an aqueous solution of one of two agents known for their uncommon healing properties – aloe juice or grapefruit seed extract, so it serves here to heal the erosions that exist in the mucous membrane of the alimentary canal and prevents new ones being formed.
4. Lemon juice demonstrates perfect dissolving properties, therefore its task is to dissolve pathological mucus which covers the wall of the small intestine, fecal stones in the large intestine and residues in the bile and pancreatic duct.
Preparation of the Cleansing Mixture
In the evening, pour the three ingredients into a dark glass, porcelain or clay vessel in any order:
10 ml of oil + 10 ml of alocit + 10 ml of lemon juice
Cover it and leave at room temperature, e.g. on the windowsill or by the bed for your convenience. Drink it in the morning on an empty stomach. Do not eat or drink after that for at least 30 minutes and even better an hour - maybe longer of course.

On the name “cleansing mixture” you wrote:

If you're referring to it as a generic cleansing mixture, you should write "the cleansing mixture".

In Polish we acclaimed it to be an invented name, even if nobody manufactures or sells it neither. The point is that this mixture, all in all, was invented. So it should have its own name, title. The enquiry was posted because from the Polish grammar, we can write invented names starting with capital only the first word. In English it’s different as you say. Thus it shall stay with capitals I think.

Passage 3:
First version of the passage:

Oil as one ingredient of the Cleansing Mixture
We use one of three oils in the Cleansing Mixture:
Olive oil: in the first 3-month stage apply individuals suffering from the stomach and/or duodendal diseases, hyperacidity or cholelithiasis. Individuals free from these diseases skip this stage.
Corn oil: in the second 3-month stage apply individuals who have completed stage one and suffer from the pancreatic and/or liver diseases and/or high cholesterol. Individuals free from these diseases skip this stage.
Grape seed oil: is for individuals, which have completed or skipped two previous stages and suffer no upper alimentary canal’s disorders.
Comments
1. As you know, the purpose of Cleansing Mixture is to heal and cleanse alimentary canal – no more. Therefore type of oil should be adjusted individually following only the observed symptoms from the alimentary canal, keeping in mind the rule that we treat it step by step: from the upper to the lower parts. Whereas all the remaining distressing ailments subside succeedingly as the elicitation of caulking of intestinal erosions and restoring of absorption process in alimentary canal.
2. 3-month period of particular stages is stated indicatively, although in individual cases it may be prolonged or shortened.
3. If we observe, that we do not suffer any distress from any of the aforementioned parts of alimentary canal or that it does not require full 3-month stage of treatment – we should move to the next stage. However, if it has turned out to be a mistake because we moved too hastily, then we can move back to the preceding stage and associated type of oil anytime, and wait until all ailments disappear completely.
4. We should buy oils in bottles made of glass only, or – in respect of corn oil - canned (this may vary depending on your location).
5. Olive oil stored in a fridge coagulates, thus it is better to be kept elsewhere in a less cool (but still cool) place. In case we cannot store it elsewhere, ultimately it can be kept in a fridge too.

Obviously, all your remarks are more than welcome. You are a great help for me, especially because you always explain your opinion.

PS.
Passage 4 is pending.

 

[Macio]

Gosh I need to post 5 times to upload an image here.

 

[Macio]

Finally.
CM made from three different types of oil:

 

[Raymott]

Oil as one ingredient of the Cleansing Mixture
We use one of three oils in the Cleansing Mixture:
Olive oil: in the first 3-month stage [STRIKE]apply[/STRIKE] taken by individuals suffering from [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] stomach and/or duodendal diseases, hyperacidity or cholelithiasis. Individuals free from these diseases skip this stage.
Corn oil: in the second 3-month stage [STRIKE]apply[/STRIKE]taken by individuals who have completed stage one and suffer from [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] pancreatic and/or liver diseases and/or high cholesterol. Individuals free from these diseases skip this stage.
Grape seed oil: is for individuals who have completed or skipped the two previous stages and suffer no upper alimentary canal disorders.
Comments
1. As you know, the purpose of Cleansing Mixture is to heal and cleanse the alimentary canal – no more. Therefore the type of oil should be adjusted individually following only the observed symptoms from the alimentary canal, keeping in mind the rule that we treat it step by step: from the upper to the lower parts. Whereas all the remaining distressing ailments subside successively as the elicitation of caulking of intestinal erosions and restoring of absorption processes in alimentary canal proceeds.
2. The 3-month period of the particular stages is stated indicatively, although in individual cases it may be prolonged or shortened.
3. If we observe that we do not suffer any distress from any of the aforementioned parts of alimentary canal or that it does not require a full 3-month stage of treatment, we should move to the next stage. However, if it has turned out to be a mistake because we moved too hastily, then we can move back to the preceding stage and associated type of oil anytime, and wait until all ailments disappear completely.
4. We should buy oils in bottles made of glass only, or – in respect of corn oil - canned (this may vary depending on your location).
5. Olive oil stored in a fridge coagulates, thus it is better to be kept elsewhere in a less cool (but still cool) place. In case we cannot store it elsewhere, ultimately it can be kept in a fridge too.

 

[Macio]

I forgot to add comments to passage 2:

Comments:
1. Cleansing Mixture is not a drug as such and it does not interfere with any drugs/medicine – chemical or natural.
2. If we take any drugs/medicine prescribed on an empty stomach, we should take it 30 minutes after drinking the Cleansing Mixture. Thyroid hormones should be taken 2 hours after drinking Cleansing Mixture.
3. Due to limited liver efficiency in discharging toxins which are released during body self-cleanse processes, the Cleansing Mixture should not be taken simultaneously with any other cleanse methods, so the effects will not superimpose on each other. In other words: the organism should not be hasted in recovering.
4. In order to avoid too intensive body reaction in the beginning, it is better to start the treatment from ¼ of the recommended dose. Then, after 1-2 weeks (if some intense reactions occur we should wait longer, until they subside) we can increase to ½ of full dose. Then, applying the same precautions, we can increase to ¾ of full dose. Only when that dosage does not evoke too intensive reactions (or after they pass), we can apply full dose.
5. In the beginning of the treatment, when it is still possible for intensive reactions to occur, we measure ingredients of the Cleansing Mixture meticulously, i.e. 2,5; 5; 7,5 and 10 ml. Later on when we take the Cleansing Mixture prophylactically only, we can measure the ingredients in approximation (“at a guess”).
6. We should not stir Cleansing Mixture. Not because it vitiates/detriments anything, but there is just no such need.
7. Ingredients of the Cleansing Mixture should be kept in a cool place or in a fridge.

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To passage 3:
You corrected:

(...) 1. Whereas all the remaining distressing ailments subside successively as the elicitation of caulking of intestinal erosions and restoring of absorption processes in alimentary canal proceeds.
(...)

From The Consice Oxford English:

elicit: 1. evoke or draw out (a response or answer). n. elicitation

I inclined towards reffering elicitation both to caulking and absorption processes, hence I am not sure if the word proceeds here is put logically correct?

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To passage 4:
I used "/" when I hesitate between two words, and words in "[...]" are optional to use... I leave it up to your revision.

Passage 4:

Alocit as one ingredient of the Cleansing Mixture
The word “Alocit” was drafted on purpose of the Cleansing Mixture out of two words: “aloe” and “Citrosept” so it clearly indicates one of its ingredients. Alocit cannot be purchased - it has to be homemade. In frames below there are put two recipes: with aloe juice and with the grapefruit seed extract (Citrosept).

Alocit made of aloe juice: solve at 1:1 ratio aloe juice with water, that is pour into 0,5 liter dark glass bottle ¼ liter of aloe juice and ¼ liter of water. Water should be boiled and chilled to the room temperature beforehand.

Alocit made of grapefruit seed extract: fill 0,5 liter dark glass bottle with water and add 35 drops of Citrosept. Water should be boiled and chilled to the room temperature beforehand.

After six months of taking in the aloe juice variant in the beginning, you should swap the healing agent every 3 months (to Citrosept and back). These changes are reasoned with the fact, that after some time our body habituates to every healing agent and ceases to retaliate/react. Theoretically, one healing agent could be used with breaks, but this is not good solution as our environment is being polluted constantly, so even short pause in prophylactic may cause irreparable loss in health.
Comments
1. I recommend Citrosept grapefruit seed extract only because I have tested it versatilely. Nevertheless there is nothing to prevent you from using different agents of this extract.
2. Aloe juice should be solved with water because – as the practice shows – initially, if unsolved it works too intensively, whereas later on the organism immunizes to it and the solution stops to work completely after two months of intake/treatment.
3. Aloe gel is rather inappropriate [agent] to be mixed in Alocit. Aloe gel is an aloe juice concentrated/thickened by adding fiber into it, e.g. aloe flesh/pulp or pectin, which is just the apple marc, i.e. nothing more but the [juice] squeeze leftovers in fact.

 

[Macio]

Beta version:
The Cleansing Mixture | Wydawnictwo BIOS
Comments are welcome.

 

[birdeen's call]

Beta version:
The Cleansing Mixture | Wydawnictwo BIOS
Comments are welcome.

Is there a Polish version?

 

[Macio]

Of course, it's the only full one for the moment.
Portal wiedzy o zdrowiu | Wydawnictwo BIOS

 

[Raymott]

To passage 3:
You corrected:
From The Consice Oxford English:
I inclined towards reffering elicitation both to caulking and absorption processes, hence I am not sure if the word proceeds here is put logically correct?

You need a verb for the clause, "as the elicitation of caulking of intestinal erosions and restoring of absorption processes in alimentary canal."
If you meant "processes" as the verb, then 'proceeds' is better. (I took "absorption processes" as a noun)

"as the elicitation of caulking of intestinal erosions and restoring of absorption proceeds in the alimentary canal."

 

[Macio]

Raymott, I understand elicitation here as a noun. So: [caulking of intestinal erosions] and [restoring of absorption processes] are the reason for remaining distressing ailments to subside successively. So: the remaining distressing ailments -> subside successively as the elicitation of [caulking of intestinal erosions] and [restoring of absorption processes].
Please check the dictionary result here: Elicitation | Define Elicitation at Dictionary.com
Please correct me if I am wrong.

edit:
In other words:
[caulking of intestinal erosions] and [restoring of absorption processes] elicit the subsidence of the remaining distressing ailments.