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    • Join Date: Oct 2010
    • Posts: 34
    #1

    Smile Editing

    Andrew,

    Throughout the years, I've (should i spell out I have) been so proud and impressed ( for the effort instead of with all?) with all (should I omit all) the effort you (you've)put into everything you do. Something doesn't sound right here? did?

    Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences (should I just put and) as well as accomplishments, (Should I omit exciting or accomplishments, or leave both?) and you should be so proud yourself.

    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

    Love always - Mom


    or

    Throughout the years Andrew, I've been so proud and impressed with all the effort you put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences as well as accomplishments, and you should proud of yourself.

    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you!

    Love always - Mom

    This letter is being published in his yearbook.

    I would really appreciate your help. If there is anything you might add to help me, as i have been having a rough time writing this, please do so.

  1. riquecohen's Avatar
    • Member Info
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      • American English
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      • Current Location:
      • Brazil

    • Join Date: Aug 2010
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    #2

    Re: Editing

    Quote Originally Posted by roberta langs View Post
    Andrew,

    Throughout the years, I've (should i spell out I have) been so proud and impressed ( for the effort instead of with all?) with all (should I omit all) the effort you (you've)put into everything you do. Something doesn't sound right here? did?

    Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences (should I just put and) as well as accomplishments, (Should I omit exciting or accomplishments, or leave both?) and you should be so proud yourself.

    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

    Love always - Mom


    or

    Throughout the years, Andrew, I've been so proud and impressed with all the effort youve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences as well as and accomplishments, and; you should be proud of yourself.

    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you!

    Love always - Mom

    This letter is being published in his yearbook.

    I would really appreciate your help. If there is anything you might add to help me, as i have been having a rough time writing this, please do so.
    I prefer the second version. Ive made a few small changes. BTW, I believe that everything hes accomplished is due, in no small part, to the fact that he has a good mother. Congratulations!


    • Join Date: Oct 2010
    • Posts: 34
    #3

    Re: Editing

    Thank you so much for the compliment. I actually cried. I'm a single mom and my son turned out to be an amazing man.

    I do have a couple more questions:

    1) Do you think it would better if we just put his name at the beginning as if we were writing a letter? Also I added a sentence before Believe in yourself. Is there anything that needs to be corrected there. What do you think? I put a lot of time with the wording into this letter.

    2) For my own knowledge how come we use "with" instead of "for" all your effort...

    Andrew,

    Throughout the years, I've been so proud and impressed with all the effort you've put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought so many wonderful and exciting experiences, and accomplishments; you should be so (should I leave "so" in there) proud of yourself.

    You are an amazing son who has (who's) grown into an amazing (young)man and I love you.

    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

    Love always - Mom
    Last edited by roberta langs; 25-Oct-2010 at 13:41.

  2. riquecohen's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Editing

    Quote Originally Posted by roberta langs View Post
    Thank you so much for the compliment. I actually cried. I'm a single mom and my son turned out to be an amazing man.

    I do have a couple more questions:

    1) Do you think it would better if we just put his name at the beginning as if we were writing a letter? Not necessarily. Its just a matter of which style you prefer (or which goes better in the format of the yearbook.) My personal preference would be your original construction.Also I added a sentence before Believe in yourself. Is there anything that needs to be corrected there. What do you think? I put a lot of time with the wording into this letter. See below.

    2) For my own knowledge how come we use "with" instead of "for" all your effort...The prepositon relates to the verb that it follows. Its usually proud of and impressed by or with. In your sentence, proud can stand by itself or, if you prefer, proud of you. You should use impressed by or with. (You can thank someone for all their effort.) It is difficult to answer why. Prepositions in English are very difficult and often lack logical explanations.
    Andrew,

    Throughout the years, I've always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you've put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought so many wonderful and exciting experiences, and accomplishments; you should be so (should I leave "so" in there) proud of yourself. Take it out.

    You are an amazing son who has (who's) grown into an amazing man and I love you.

    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

    Love always - Mom
    My suggestions: proofread carefully, omit the comma after experiences. Young man is fine.


    • Join Date: Oct 2010
    • Posts: 34
    #5

    Unhappy Re: Editing

    Here is my final draft for my son's yearbook. Would you please read and edit where needed. I'm not sure that English language is proper. Thanks a million.


    Andrew Frosini

    Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you should be proud of yourself.

    You’ve ( or You grew) grown (to be a ) into a fine, young man with such kindness and compassion (for or toward) others (omit - that any mother would want in a son or would be proud of) and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son (to have a son like you.)

    (or this sentence .. I've (when do I know to spell out - I've,) watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion (toward or for others (omit... that any mother would want in a son.... or any mother would be proud of ...or keep it. ) ( ... and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son. (to have a son like you)

    (Which sentence do you like? I'm all over the place trying to make sure it's perfect. I'm driving myself a little nuts, lol. I would love your thoughts.)

    * I last had you edit this which I'm undecided - Your amazing son who has grown into an amazing man and I love you.

    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

    Love always ~ Mom



    Congratulations, you deserve all the best.

    Your Brother ~ Nick
    Last edited by roberta langs; 26-Oct-2010 at 12:01.


    • Join Date: Oct 2010
    • Posts: 34
    #6

    Re: Editing

    Do we talk to the same teacher for the same thread? I'm new here.
    Last edited by roberta langs; 26-Oct-2010 at 00:00.


    • Join Date: Oct 2010
    • Posts: 34
    #7

    Re: Editing

    Riquechon - would you be able to help me still?

  3. riquecohen's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Editing

    Quote Originally Posted by roberta langs View Post
    Riquechon - would you be able to help me still?
    Sure can. I was looking for your post of last night when this one appeared. Ill start reviewing it now. Hang on awhile.

  4. riquecohen's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Editing

    Quote Originally Posted by roberta langs View Post
    Here is my final draft for my son's yearbook. Would you please read and edit where needed. I'm not sure that English language is proper. Thanks a million.


    Andrew Frosini

    Throughout the years, Andrew, Ive always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort youve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought you many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you should be proud of yourself.

    Youve ( or You grew) have grown (to be a ) intointo a fine, young man with such kindness and compassion (for or toward) toward others. (omit - that any mother would want in a son or would be proud of ) and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son.

    (or this sentence .. I've (when do you spell out -
    I have watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion toward(toward or for others (omit... that any mother would want in a son.... or any mother would be proud of ...or keep it. ) ( ... and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son. (to have a son like you)

    (Which sentence do you like? I would love your thoughts.) Either one is fine; I prefer the first.
    Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

    Love always ~ Mom



    Congratulations, you deserve all the best.

    Your Brother ~ Nick
    Roberta- What youve written is from your heart. I understand that you want it to be perfect, but, IMO, the content is more important than the grammar. (Not that theres anything wrong with your grammar.) You may be wondering why, in some places, I`ve left the contractions as they are, and in others, Ive written the complete words. This is just a matter of style, and of what sounds better to me. Its not a question of one being wrong and the other right. Please note that Ive separated the 2nd paragraph into 2 sentences. My computer skills arent very good, but I hope that Ive made everything clear.
    FYI-Anyone reading the post can respond to it. Ive enjoyed working on yours.


    • Join Date: Oct 2010
    • Posts: 34
    #10

    Re: Editing

    You have helped me tremendously and I'm grateful for all your help. I promise this is the last!

    Question - Is the 2nd paragraph below suppose to have the period after others? You did have others crossed out. I'm assuming you wanted that left in?

    You have grown into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion toward others(.) I've been truly blessed to have you as my son.

    or... and I truly have been blessed "having" "to have" you as my son - your thoughts - I don't like this one too much.
    or and (I am) truly blessed to have you as my son

    ** What does IMO mean?

    **I see what you mean with you've and I've. At certain times it sounds better with one or the other. What about keeping the letter consistent?

    **You put a lot of thought into your work! I'm glad I had a chance to work with you.
    Last edited by roberta langs; 26-Oct-2010 at 13:33.

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