[General] grammar/editing - deadline today

[roberta langs]

Here is my final draft for my son's yearbook. Would you please read and edit where needed. I'm not sure that English language is proper. Thanks a million.


Andrew Frosini

Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you should be proud of yourself.

You’ve ( or You grew) grown (to be a ) into a fine, young man with such kindness and compassion (for or toward) others (omit - that any mother would want in a son or would be proud of ) and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son.

(or this sentence .. I've (when do you spell out - I have )watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion (toward or for others (omit... that any mother would want in a son.... or any mother would be proud of ...or keep it. ) ( ... and I've been truly blessed to have you as my son. (to have a son like you)

(Which sentence do you like? I would love your thoughts.)

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always ~ Mom



Congratulations, you deserve all the best.

Your Brother ~ Nick

 

[Rover_KE]

That's beautiful, Roberta. Here's my suggestion:

Andrew Frosini

Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you can be proud of yourself.

I've watched (I have is a more formal; I've is more intimate) you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion for others that any mother would be proud of. I've been truly blessed to have a son like you.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always ~ Mom



Congratulations, you deserve all the best.

Your Brother ~ Nick

Rover

 

[roberta langs]

[FONT=&quot]This is the beginning of the letter edited already~ Please see above for how the letter ends if needed.

Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought you many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you can be proud of yourself. [/FONT]

How would you edit the version below -


You've (you have) grown into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion toward (for) others that any mother would be proud of). I’ve been truly blessed to have you as my son or I am truly blessed to have you for my son or (to have a son like you)

-

This is the version you sent which I do like... thank you


I’ve watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion for others that any mother would be proud of. I’ve been truly blessed to have a son like you.

You sent this version back - you can be proud of yourself vs. you should be proud of yourself? I have never hear of it that way?


Your time is appreciated.



Thank you

 

[roberta langs]

Hi Rover, I hope you will have time for me today? ;-)

 

[Rover_KE]

Sorry, Roberta - I've had a transatlantic flight since then. Still not sure what day it is.

You've (you have) [I prefer you've, but it's no big deal] grown into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion for others that any mother would be proud of. I am truly blessed to have a son like you. [On reflection, I prefer 'I am truly blessed. . .' rather than 'I have been. . .' because you still have him as a son.]

. . .you can be proud of yourself vs. you should be proud of yourself.

He is allowed to feel pride in his accomplishments. 'You should be proud' suggests he is not proud and ought to be.

Rover

 

[roberta langs]

Hi Rover.

Thanks so much for all your help. I have met a couple of great teachers here with you being one of them.

I have another version I would like you to do some fine tuning with. I've put the whole letter in here but the paragraph is marked with asterisks. Also I would like your thoughts on paragraph 2 in comparison to paragraph 3. Obviously you and I have already worked on paragraph 2 together which is very nice. I know it's a matter of preference.



Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought you many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you can be proud of yourself.

I‘ve watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion for others that any mother would be proud of. I am truly blessed to have a son like you.


**I’ve watched you grow into a fine young man with such kindness and compassion for others (which or that) is (are) (so very) or (very) rare in the world today (rarely seen in the world today). I couldn't be more proud of you. I am truly blessed to have a son like you.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.

Love always ~ Mom


Congratulations, you deserve all the best.

 

[roberta langs]

Good morning Rover, would you be able to see my new post today?

 

[Rover_KE]

I prefer the simplicity of para 2 as it stands to your new version.

I wouldn't overdo it.

Rover

 

[roberta langs]

Thanks for your honesty. I will not change a thing.

For my own knowledge, would you edit that?

Thanks me

 

[Rover_KE]

Thanks for your honesty. I will not change a thing.

For my own knowledge, would you edit that?

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Rover

 

[roberta langs]

Rover, I would rather say the phrase "I couldn't be more proud of" of instead of "any mother would be proud of." Would you please correct punctuation and grammar. Thanks hun. I promise, I'll be done soon.



I‘ve watched you grow into a fine young man (,) with such kindness and compassion for others that I couldn’t be more proud of (you - omit or keep?) . (I am or I’m) truly blessed to have you for a son.













Roberta....

 

[roberta langs]

Rover. I know, I didn't even pay attention to my reply. Thanks for correcting me.

 

[roberta langs]

Rover, I have one more post. It's been a pleasure meeting you. Roberta

 

[Rover_KE]

I‘ve watched you grow into a fine young man, with such kindness and compassion for others that I couldn’t be more proud of you. I’m truly blessed to have you for a son.

Rover

 

[roberta langs]

Rover,

My son is very talented in music (trombone since 4th grade), baseball and snowboarding, so I would really like to mention something in regard to how well-rounded/talented he is. I don't want to go overboard but lets see how this sounds.



You've grown into a (very?) fine (, or and) well-rounded young man, with such kindness and compassion for others that I couldn't be more proud of you. I'm truly blessed to have you for a son.

or You've grown into a very well-rounded (, or and) fine young man....

Also, I don't want to sound formal with my last sentence ending with son. How does that sound to you?


Thanks a million

 

[Rover_KE]

'You've grown into a fine young man, with such kindness and compassion for others that I couldn't be more proud of you. I'm truly blessed to have you for a son'

sounds good to me.

I would avoid well-rounded at all costs.

Rover

 

[roberta langs]

Thanks Rover, your the best!

What do you think about the word talented in the sentence above? Does that pertain to the all the activities he enjoys? Your thoughts?

Also, what do you think sounds better at the end of my sentence? I've read it so much, my brain is mush. LOL

1) I'm truly blessed to have a son like you
2) I'm truly blessed to have you as my son
3) I'm truly blessed to have you for a son



Roberta

 

[Rover_KE]

I wouldn't emphasise his talents in this particular context. The boy is probably embarrassed enough.

1) I'm truly blessed to have a son like you.
2) I'm truly blessed to have you as my son.
3) I'm truly blessed to have you for a son.

Any of these is fine. It's your personal choice.

Rover

 

[roberta langs]

Andrew is a senior this year and I'm so proud of all his accomplishments. I love the young man he has become. We lost my dad and my sister so our lives have been on the sad side. If you still think it would be too tacky with any emphasizing, I trust your judgment.

Here is the draft:

Throughout the years, Andrew, I’ve always been so proud of you and impressed with all the effort you’ve put into doing your best. Your hard work, dedication and patience have brought you many wonderful and exciting experiences and accomplishments; you can be proud of yourself.

You’ve grown into fine young man, with such kindness and compassion for others that I couldn’t be more proud of you. I'm truly blessed to have you as my son.

Always believe in yourself, the way I believe in you.


Love always ~ Mom


Congratulations, you deserve the best!

Your Brother, Nick

Hop, Skip and a Jump and off we go!

~ Baby Buddy

 

[Rover_KE]

Hi Rover,

I have an essay that my son has written to obtain a scholarship for the ski club, would you be able to look it over for him? If so, would you like me to break up the paragraphs?

I think it would be better if your son registered on the forum and submitted his essay on his own account if he thinks he needs our help.

We could all then consider his request.

Rover