Student or Learner
Hi my teacher gave me the topic : The disadvantages of junk food. to write an eassy about it .
and the teacher gave me D on my eassy ,, saying that my eassy is SO disorganised
and i was disappointed couse i realy tried my best
could you tell me what's wrong? !And how can i make it organised
this is my eassy
There are many disadvantages of junk food . The main disadvantage is junk
food is very unhealthy food. A second disadvantage is fast food is
expensive .Firstly , fast food is unhealthy because it is full of fats and a lot of salt
which isn't good for you. eating more junk food the increase percentage of
fats in your body ; as a result you will feel lazy and idle and therefore you
are more likely to become more obese . Also you must know that junk food
contains more calories and less nutrients. Because when they fry fast
food they kill the nutrients.
Secondly, we spend a lot of money to buy fast food with out notice it .
There is a fact said that Every time you eat fast food like burgers , french
fries you will had more desire to eat more fast food . Despite that fact,
you will lose your money without getting any benefit of it.
Lastly ,in order to keep your money and health save .you should be aware
to eat junk food.
help me please !..And thank you in advance =)
Welcome to the forum. Since it's your first post, I'll give you some rules that you'll find necessary.
On my screen it looks like a dog's breakfast. However, I'll grant you that the alignment and spacing errors are due to pasting it into the program.
Please learn to punctuate and use appropriate capital letters if you intend using English for anything other than text messages.
I don't know what level you're at, but you have made two points. Your essay says: "Junk food is both expensive and unhealthy." That's the content. As such, there's little to criticise. I'm not sure I agree with your teacher. You said the same thing in the introduction sentence, the body of the essay and the conclusion. So at least you're consistent.
It would be good to read another of your essays with good punctuation and layout.