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  1. Volcano1985's Avatar
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    #1

    Check The Translated Poem Please

    Could you please check if it's grammatically correct and makes sense?

    You are like a scorpion, my dear bro
    Like a scorpion in a coward darkness
    You are like a sparrow, my dear bro
    Have the rush of sparrow
    You are like mussel, my dear bro
    Closed like a mussel, relax
    And you are terrible
    Like a dead vent, my dear bro
    Not one, not five
    There are hundred of millions of you
    Unfortunately, you are like a sheep, my dear bro.
    When sheepman raises his stick
    You join the herd at once
    And kind of haughty, you run to slaughterhouse
    That is, you are the weirdest creature of the world
    Actually weirder than the fish
    Which is in the sea
    But not aware of the sea
    And the cruelty in this world
    Thanks to you
    And if we are starved, tired and in a welter of blood
    And if we are still being squeezed to give our wine
    I donít dare to say thatís your fault but,
    Most of the fault is your, my dear bro.

  2. Volcano1985's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Check The Translated Poem Please

    Anyone?

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    #3

    Re: Check The Translated Poem Please

    Bro sounds strange to me in the context of a poem.

  3. Raymott's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Check The Translated Poem Please

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    Bro sounds strange to me in the context of a poem.
    I agree. I haven't commented because that's not the type of language I'd use, so I assumed I'd misunderstand the tone of the poem.

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    #5

    Re: Check The Translated Poem Please

    It's clearly not grammatically correct, as the punctuation is virtually non-existent, but we'll put that down to poetic licence. I've suggested a few changes.


    Quote Originally Posted by Volcano1985 View Post

    You are like a scorpion, my dear bro
    Like a scorpion in a coward darkness
    You are like a sparrow, my dear bro
    Have the rush of sparrow
    You are like a mussel, my dear bro
    Closed like a mussel, relax
    And you are terrible
    Like a dead vent, my dear bro (A dead vent? What's that?)
    Not one, not five
    There are hundreds of millions of you
    Unfortunately, you are like a sheep, my dear bro.
    When the shepherd raises his stick
    You join the herd at once
    And kind of haughty, you run to the slaughterhouse
    That is, you are the weirdest creature in the world
    Actually weirder than the fish
    Which is in the sea
    But not aware of the sea
    And the cruelty in this world
    Thanks to you
    And if we are starved, tired and in a welter of blood
    And if we are still being squeezed to give our wine
    I don’t dare to say that’s your fault but,
    Most of the fault is yours, my dear bro.
    Rover
    Last edited by Rover_KE; 09-Nov-2010 at 00:10.

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