Kindly advise on the below mail.

[nandhusri2007]

Let me introduce myself, I am John representing VMU team and I hope you would aware that I was the one who replaced Peter’s position recently.
Hence, I would request you to kindly add me in the Distribution list on all your future correspondence, which would make easier for us to complete the task (if any) within the period.

With regard to the Id application form, I had kept 3 completed forms on your desk yesterday, and the remaining two are pending for Photo. It will be submitted by today.

 

[Rover_KE]

Let me introduce myself.

I am John - representing (the) VMU team and I hope you are aware that I recently replaced Peter.

I would appreciate it if you would kindly add my name to the distribution list on all your future correspondence, which will make it easier for us to complete any tasks within the given period.

With regard to the ID application form, I left three completed forms on your desk yesterday, and the remaining two are pending for the photo. They will be submitted by the end of the day.

Rover

 

[nandhusri2007]

Thanks Rover, the way you changed my mail was very professional. Even, I was thinking a lot to write like this...but I failed..

Can you pls advise, where I did the mistake and how I need to improve my written communication as I was recently promoted to the higher level and it is very important to improve my written skills in a professional way.