Please, could you proofread my poem

Status
Not open for further replies.

Bassim

VIP Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Bosnian
Home Country
Bosnia Herzegovina
Current Location
Sweden
QUESTIONS

What am I doing here in this cold country,
surrounded by these distant people constantly complaining
about immigrants and high taxes?

Why am I wasting my life in this open prison without guards,
looking for love which does not exist?

Why am I still alive fighting the battle already lost,
hurting myself again and again?

My mind wrestles with a myriad of questions,
but who can give me answers?
The frozen snow crunching under my boots, the path shrouded in mist,
or a large crow shrieking above me and disappearing in the grey horizon?
 

5jj

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Oct 14, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
Czech Republic
Current Location
Czech Republic
From the point of view of grammar, it's fine.

Things normally disappear over the horizon, but I think in works in your poem.

I have not commented on the quality of your writing as a poet. This does not imply anything negative. It's simply that I know something about grammar; I know almost nothing about poetry.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top