a letter for job interview!

[littlebaby]

hello everybody:-D

I will soon have an important job interview. I know I will be asked to introduce myself in English. But my English is not that good. So I want to ask you all here about my interview letter! Please correct every mistake in the following letter! Thank you very much for all your help!

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Hello everybody!

Nice to meet you all. My name is XXX, Chocobo. You can also call me Choco. I am a 27 years old girl living in Tuen Mun.
I had been working in a finance company for 3 years. I was a clerk there. The job duties I had to do were simple, just to do calculation, typing and listening to phone calls. And this was my first job. And my contract with the company was ended in October 2004.
Then I had got another job. I had been working in a convenience store for 4 months. It was a part-time job. And I was a shop assistant there as a cashier. But I soon had got another job.
I had been working in Pok Oi Hospital for 6 months as a temporary general sevice assistant. The jobs I had to do there were vehicles register and to indicate people where some departments of the hospital are. After I had worked in Pok Oi Hospital, I got a job in Tuen Mun Hospital.
I had been working in Tuen Mun Hospital for about a year as a temporary general service assistant. The jobs I had to do there were filing documents, typing, listening to phone calls, copying documents, and fax documents. And the contract was ended that I had to find another employment.
Then I had got a job in a food company as a clerk. It was just a temporary job. The job duties were to do typing, filing, fax and copying documents, listening to phone calls.
Then, I had got another job in PCCW as a tele-sales there. The jobs I had to do were sell company products. But I soon resigned that I thought I didn’t like to be a sales.
And then I had got another job in Department of Health as temporary counter clerk. And I am still working there. The jobs I have to do are to assist in counter duties, including receiving and registering cases, arranging appointments and referrals, answering general telephone enquiries, calling clients for appointment, and filing work, etc. Actually I like the job functions there. But I am not happy that my colleagues always say something bad about people in the office in bad tones. So I hope I can work in another place.
And this time, I have applied for the post of clerical assistant of the government. I know this would be a very good chance if I can change my job. Of course I am very delighted to have an interview with you all here. I hope you all will consider my application. If my application is succeeded, I must try my best to do all the things I have to do. I would be able to discharge professionally and diligently, and I hope I will work happily with any of my colleagues there. And that is all of my self-introduction. Thank you for being patient to hear me. Thank you!

 

[Barb_D]

Don't call yourself a girl. You are a woman, looking for an adult job.

You will not be asked to give your entire history in a job interview; you will be asked to answer specific questions.

When you talk about your job history, talk about the most recent job first, or the job that is more related to this job you are applying for. Don't start at the beginning and move forward, and don't bother with jobs you only held a few months.

Do not use words that minimize what you did like "only a clerk" or "simple work." Emphasize what you learned there, even if it didn't require specialized skills, like how to work on a team or respond to quick deadlines, etc.

 

[littlebaby]

Don't call yourself a girl. You are a woman, looking for an adult job.

You will not be asked to give your entire history in a job interview; you will be asked to answer specific questions.

When you talk about your job history, talk about the most recent job first, or the job that is more related to this job you are applying for. Don't start at the beginning and move forward, and don't bother with jobs you only held a few months.

Do not use words that minimize what you did like "only a clerk" or "simple work." Emphasize what you learned there, even if it didn't require specialized skills, like how to work on a team or respond to quick deadlines, etc.

Thank you very much for your reply! I agree with what you say. Your advice is really helpful to me.
I have made some changes in my letter. I know it may not be written very well. But at least it should be better than the original one!
Please give me some more advice. Thank you!

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Good morning everybody!

Nice to meet you all. My name is XXX, Chocobo. You can also call me Choco. I am living in Tuen Mun. Today I am very delighted that I am given a chance to have an interview with you all here. Let me tell you all something about myself.
I have been working for about 9 years. Mostly I do clerical jobs.
I had been working in Pok Oi Hospital for 6 months as a temporary general sevice assistant. The jobs I had to do there were vehicles register and to indicate people where some departments of the hospital are. After I had worked in Pok Oi Hospital, I got a job in Tuen Mun Hospital.
I had been working in Tuen Mun Hospital for about a year as a temporary general service assistant. The jobs I had to do there were filing documents, typing, listening to phone calls, copying documents, and fax documents. And the contract was ended that I had to find another employment.
And for me the jobs in the hospitals were very important to me because I had learnt how to communicate well with people there.
And then I had got another job in Department of Health as temporary counter clerk. And I am still working there. The jobs I have to do are to assist in counter duties, including receiving and registering cases, arranging appointments and referrals, answering general telephone enquiries, calling clients for appointment, and filing work, etc. I have learnt how to work in a team. I think it is a very important experience. Actually I like the job functions there. But I hope I can work in another place.
And this time, I have applied for the post of clerical assistant of the government. I know this would be a very good chance if I can change my job. I hope you all will consider my application. If my application is succeeded, I must try my best to do all the things I have to do. I would be able to discharge professionally and diligently, and I hope I will work happily with any of my colleagues there. And that is all of my self-introduction. Thank you for being patient to hear me. Thank you!